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Nothing pisses me off more than walking out to my car after a long day of work only to find an advertisement tucked under my windshield wiper (‘cept maybe Kevin Costner movies and the Sprint corporation). I hate those flyer for about a million reasons. I think they should be illegal because they bring more harm than good. When I was a kid, my folks used to make me pass out flyers for their failing restaurant, but that has nothing to do with it.
I’m not a tree-hugging hippie–I like to shower and don’t smoke pot. But I despise waste. And to me, windshield wiper flyers are nothing but waste. They’re unsolicited ads that can’t possibly be efficient. How many windshield wiper flyers have influence your shopping habits? Suppose one in a hundred actually get customers into a store, it’s still terribly ineffective–and I don’t even think that many actually work.
Even more distressing, most folks who find an ad placed on their car don’t have trash cans with them. You can always tell when someone was placing ads on cars because the parking lot is littered with discarded flyers. Most folks simply take the unwanted ad off their car . . . . .
I’ll be the first to admit I’m not an important person. Stock markets don’t crash without me; lives aren’t lost if I can’t be found. Yet here I am–one individual–with four phone numbers that are solely for my use. I have a home phone that I never use (a requirement to have DSL), a personal cell phone, a work-issued cell phone, and an office line. One person, four phone numbers. No wonder we keep running out of area codes.
Imagine if I had any importance.
Heath Ledger died this week. I’m neither happy nor sad by this news. From what I’ve been told, he was a pretty good actor–but I wouldn’t know. The only thing I ever saw him in was “Ten Things I Hate About You” (it was for an English class–I swear). But like I said, I’m pretty apathetic to his death. The Fiancee thinks I’m a horrible person because I don’t think his death is sad. Why would I think it’s sad? It doesn’t affect me. People die all the time and society is never sad for the countless 28-year old nobodies who die on a daily basis. Maybe if I knew Heath Ledger or saw a . . . . .
I realized that recently I have been writing way too much about movies and televisions (probably because I haven’t done anything but sit and watch TV the past few weeks). Well enough is enough: I am implementing a new, self-imposed embargo on the movie business. Enough complaining, bitching, or nitpicking about Hollywood. If the writers can be on strike, I can too. Although technically, I wouldn’t be on strike. But that’s not the point–I need something else to complain about. I wonder what Sprint is up too…
I’d like to take a moment to announce that The Girlfriend has hereby officially been promoted to The Fiancee. I proposed to her on Monday and she said yes. Not there was any doubt. I must’ve made over a hundred marriage proposals throughout my years–but this was the first one where I had a ring (second where I knew the girl’s name). I knew she was going to accept because Monday was Martin Luther King Day–the most romantic and sexiest holiday of the year.
A lot of guys propose with bouquets of flowers and boxes of chocolates. They engineer the perfect, romantic evening. Luckily, I knew my gal wanted none of that. We . . . . .
I got old fast. I don’t know when it happened, but at one point I turned into an old fuddy-duddy. This weekend, I tried to watch “Knocked Up.” I say tried because I turned the DVD off about 40 minutes into the movie. I found the dialogue to be incredibly crude and offensive. Pubic hair this. Pubic hair that. Smoke some weed. Talking about smoking weed. More pubic hair references. It was beyond lowbrow. It was crude and offensive.
I don’t think necessarily the subject matters bothered me–I just didn’t like how things were presented. There can be plenty of funny, obscene jokes. There real talent is in how you deliver them. In “Knocked Up,” the script made no attempt to be creative. The mere mention of the word ‘bush’ was supposed to be funny. To me, that’s not funny–is vulgar.
Maybe I’m just too out of touch with things. I know this Judd Apatow is supposed to be the greatest thing in cinema comedy today. Maybe the film was smarter than I give it credit for–it wanted to show how the main character and his friends are all a bunch of lowlife losers. But as far as interesting dialogue, . . . . .
Being a consistent hater of The Man, you’d think I’d be pro-union. I’m not entirely sure how I feel on that issue. I think a union has every right to fight for its members. If they want to band together and strike as one, that’s their choice. But I also believe that employers should be allowed to run their business how they see fit…including firing all those striking employees. I guess you can say I’m on the fence of this . . . . .
I lent The Girlfriend my credit card and she lost it. Well, technically, it was in my possession last. But because I gave it to her and she handed it back to me a day later, my rhythm was disrupted and I didn’t put the card where it belongs in my wallet. So you see, it’s all her fault: if I never gave her the card, I wouldn’tve lost it (or would that make it my fault for giving it to her?).
Anywhos, a lost credit card can be a bit of a pain because of all the things I have set up on autopay. I had to change the credit card on file with my landlord and other various companies that automatically bill me every month. A drag–but not impossible.
Unfortunately, the transition didn’t go as smoothly as I hoped. Even after I changed the credit card on file, T-Mobile kept sending me text messages, insisting that my bill couldn’t be processed. After logging on to T-Mobile’s website and confirming the card number had been changed, I had no choice but to call them up.
I’ve had very little complaints about T-Mobile. They’re not as bad as Sprint–but T-Mobile . . . . .
It was a very interesting day. Long, but interesting.
Why did I say that? I hate the word ‘interesting.’ To me, 90 per cent of the time when people use the word ‘interesting’ it’s because their vocabulary isn’t diverse enough to describe what they want. Look at the word. Interesting can mean so many different things. It’s a word without a set definition. For example, if you described someone’s haircut as interesting you didn’t describe it at all. Is it a good haircut or a bad haircut? Is it something odd or unusual? ‘Interesting’ says nothing about the haircut because the word is so indescript.
I’ll get off my high horse now.
I just read that Hollywood is planning on remaking “The Day the Earth Stood Still.” This is on a day, when I discovered a remake of “Fahrenheit 451” is also in the works. I find this to be so appalling. This is just the state of the movie business nowadays–because it is a business and quality films aren’t the slightest concern of Hollywood executives. It just irks me–there isn’t a single fresh idea out there. Why would they? Why would Hollywood gamble $50 million on unique idea that . . . . .
With me recovering from surgery, I haven’t really felt like writing much. But I suppose that shouldn’t stop me from posting something online. I’ll probably spend the next week or so digging out old stuff I wrote for folks to peruse. Gotta keep my loyal reader (no S) happy.
I found a ring today. Actually it’s more like a band of cheap aluminum (maybe it was part of a pipe). Since I’m drawn to pretty things, I found myself slipping a finger in it and wearing it around. The ring was a little too big and slipped on and off with relative ease. Despite it being tacky, I liked having something on my finger because the noise it made when I tapped things.
Later on in the day, I went to the bathroom. Now I’m not gonna tell you what I did in the bathroom because it’s irrelevant to the story (and probably something you don’t wanna hear). What I will share is that I thoroughly washed my hands afterwards ’cause that’s what I do.
Before I even realized it, the ring slipped off my finger and down the drain. I quickly panicked. The ring clearly clogged the drain as . . . . .
Just to prove I’m not a racist, I hate white actors, too–I’ve hated Kevin Costner ever since I was a kid. I’m not sure when I realized it, but I’ve always felt the guy is a total fraud. In the early 90s, he was considered the best actor in Hollywood. But even as a kid, I could tell the guy was as wooden as my kitchen table. I never saw any emotion out of him–he went through all his films as if he was doped up on valium. Remember his ‘Cajun’ accent in “JFK?” How about when he was the only New Englander in “Thirteen Days” without an accent? “Dances with Wolves” sucked and he’s been overrated ever since then. I don’t even know why he’s considered a star. When was the last time one of his movies was a hit?
I don’t eat right–I know it. But it doesn’t take a genius to know that meals of pizza, burgers, tacos, and Capt’n Crunch isn’t the key to a healthy lifestyle. The thing is, I’m not what you call a broccoli and corn kinda guy. I’m a picky eater and given the choice, there’s no way I’m eating vegetables–not when . . . . .
I’ve been dressing better lately at work. While I like the idea of Serious Monday, I’ve decided to step in up a notch and stretch it out over the course of a week (or at least this holiday-shortened week). It took a while for folks to notice, but a few different folks around the office have complemented me on my attire. Unfortunately, the compliments weren’t as genuine as I’d like: everyone assumed The Girlfriend dressed me.
I know a lot of people think he’s a good actor, but Denzel Washington seems to get on my nerves. He may have won a couple of Oscars, but I think he’s a horrible actor. Every single movie Denzel plays the same character: a righteous black man who knows he’s smarter than everyone else. It just gets so damn annoying. In practically every film, he plays a flawless character. So smart. So strong. So wise. So passionate. And always with a tad bit of smugness that comes off as innocent. I had no interest in seeing “American Gangster” because Denzel was it in–and I’ve seen him play that character before. Even his latest film, “The Great Debaters” is nothing more than “Remembering the Titans” . . . . .
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