Batting balls: games macho men play

Slow pitch softball is a game with many unwritten rules. We’re not professional ballplayers out there and no one wants to get hurt. Win or lose, no one takes the game home with them. Many players are friendly with guys from other teams. It’s a laid-back affair because we all have day jobs…and most of us are severely out of shape.

One of the unwritten rules is Thou Shall Not Walk with a Ten-Run Lead. Some folks take even more extremely (Thou Shall Not Walk At All). But for the most part, guys are trying to win the game anyway they can. If the opposing pitcher can’t throw strikes, so be it. But once the game is outta hand, the team with a double-digit lead shouldn’t be looking to walk.

Like any rule, there are some exceptions–most notably when the pitcher is so bad, the hitter has no choice. But generally, a batter shouldn’t walk when he has a strike to spare. If the pitch is out of the strike zone, take a phantom swing to extend the count.

The team we played last week wasn’t extraordinarily bad…but their pitcher was. He was walking guys left and right. He probably gave out close to ten walks and we managed to score 16 runs in one inning. I think one of his problems was he tried to quick-pitch the batters. He threw the ball immediately when the batter stepped in the box–before they have a chance to setup and prepare for the ball. I don’t know why what isn’t against an unwritten rule. Probably because good sportsmanship is encouraged…except when you’re trying to win the game. But maybe if he took a moment or two to setup, he’d throw more strikes. Or a strike.

Anywhos, we were in the middle of that 16-run inning and getting darn close to the double-digit rule. I put one foot in the batter’s box and immediately a pitch came at me. I wasn’t ready for it and had no chance of swinging. Fortunately for me, the pitch was a duck and bounced like ten feet in front of home plate. I fouled the next pitch off; then took a ball. The next pitch came and I didn’t like it–it looked like it was going to be a foot inside so I didn’t swing. The ump called ball and I stood in the batter’s box. “Take your base,” he said to me and immediately I realized the problem: I forgot the count. Maybe it was because he quick-pitched me with a completely unhittable ball. Whatever the reason, I completely lost track of the count and walked in a situation that I didn’t want to. I jumped up in disgust and apologized to the pitcher for walking.

“Sorry Pitch, I didn’t know the count,” I said as I trotted to first base.

“Like it would’ve made a difference anyway,” he said. I didn’t know if he was trying to call me out or make light of his horrible pitching.

When my next at-bat came up, I was determined not to walk. At that point we had a very healthy double-digit lead and I wasn’t looking to pour it on the other team. I swung at the first pitch–a horribly thrown ball that was nowhere near the strike zone. My batted ball went directly at the pitcher, who fielded it cleanly.

Another unwritten rule of slow pitch is Thou Shall Not Intentionally Hit the Pitcher with a Batted Ball. The pitcher is only 60 feet from the batter and fairly defenseless. Most veteran pitchers don’t really care if you hit a ball at them–they know its part of the game. Occasionally an accidental ball will come their way. If you acknowledge that it wasn’t intentional (like apologizing to the pitcher) all is well with the world.

Before I had a much of a chance to say anything, the pitcher ran towards me with the ball and cocked his arm as if he was going to throw the ball. I flinched; he let out a laugh and threw the ball to first base. I tried to let him know that I didn’t hit the ball towards him intentionally, but he wouldn’t hear it.

“Bullshit,” he said and started jawing at me–like I was trying to hurt him with my weakly hit groundball.

I’m not sure what gets into grown men on the softball field. Maybe it’s the competition thing. Maybe it’s primal, animal instincts. Maybe it’s the frustrations of working a crappy job. Maybe it’s because deep down, we all wanna be professional athletes. There’s some guys out there who take this way too seriously. The pick fights over the stupidest, trivial things. We’re not this short-temper off the diamond–people like that couldn’t function in a normal society if they resorted to violence every time they felt insulted. If I accidentally bumped into him at 7-Eleven and spilled his coffee, he wouldn’tve jawed at me that way. What I’m trying to say is that on the field–for some reason–men are more prone to petty arguments and physical violence than they are anywhere else in their personal lives.

I don’t know why he snapped at me. Yes, I hit a ball towards him. Yes, I walked–but he had a chip on his shoulder that seemed unrelated to what I did on the field. And as far as unwritten rules go, when someone breaks them but acknowledges their mistake you’re sorta supposed to let it go. In all likelihood, he was probably madder that he was walking guys than he was at me. But instead of taking his frustrations out on himself or the water cooler (like a professional athlete would), he opted to act macho and pick a fight–’cause that’s essentially what his actions did.

I was pissed off at his attitude. I didn’t think my actions warranted him acting like an ass–and my team agreed. Immediately walking was allowed again and we took a few more base-on-balls. I desperately wanted to hit against him one more time. I wanted to walk up to the batter’s box and put my bat down–maybe even say to him “I’m willing to bet you throw three more balls before you throw two strikes.” That wasn’t a mature way to handle him–if anything it would have put fuel on the fire. Maybe I got sucked into it too–but I wanted him to know that one shouldn’t act the way he did.

Luckily, I didn’t get a chance to bat again–but The Albino Janitor was to retaliate. Later on in the game, he slide hard into the shortstop and flipped the guy over. The shortstop landed on his face and everyone knew that was retribution for the pump fake the pitcher made towards me. I feel kinda bad for the shortstop–he really didn’t do anything wrong. Yet somehow it’s all acceptable in sports. Someone takes a cheap-shot or carries himself in a manner that is unsportsmanlike, often it’s his teammates who face the repercussions. The shortstop looked at The Albino Janitor like he was upset with the slide–but he knew why The Albino Janitor did it and wasn’t going to fault him for it. That was payback and the matter was now closed…unless they chose to retaliate.

After the game, both teams met at the mound for post-game handshakes (yet another unwritten rule). The opposing pitcher chose not to shake my hand (his way of showing me he was upset). As he turned back towards his dugout, he opted to chest bump Van Guy–the biggest player on our team.

“What was that for,” Van Guy said.

“Hey, I’m just walking,” he retorted.

This lead to more jawing–including accusations that we sucked because we walked. Van Guy responded that he should learn how to throw strikes. As Van Guy walked back towards the dugout, I opted to chime in. “Scoreboard,” I said. Van Guy repeated it. And before I knew it, the two of us were chanting “scoreboard” over and over.

I’m not proud of my actions tonight, but I don’t think I did anything particularly wrong. It was mainly this hothead–a guy who had more balls than brains–who instigated the incident. He resorted to behaviour and actions that one would expect to see from a high school bully. I doubt he carries himself that way outside of softball–how could he possibly be a functional part of society if he’s going to act like an asshole all the time (maybe he’s a Sprint phone op).

That pitcher isn’t the only guy in the league who acts like that. There was another guy who used to play and every time he thought another player did something wrong, he took off his shirt and challenged them to a fight. Once again, it’s childish behavior. Fake punches. Ripping off shirts. Chest bumps–it’s all so primitive and juvenile. What is it about playing sports that drives men to act this way? It really baffles me. I wonder if these people realize how childish they really are.