Twitter Quip

    I’m not pure evil (or even dillholes go to Heaven)

    I’ve been having problems with my T-days lately. It seems like whenever I speak, I say ‘Thursday’ when I mean Tuesday and ‘Tuesday’ when I mean Thursday. That’s not to say I get the days of the week confused. If I’m talking about an event or appointment, I always have the day correct in the aspect of before or after Wednesday–I just use the wrong moniker. I’m not sure what caused this breakdown of basic preschool skills, but it’s getting pretty bad. At this point, folks are better off assuming I’m incorrect instead of believing what I say. I consistently refer to Thursday softball team as the ‘Tuesday squad.’ Weekly Tuesday appointments are always described as a Thursday event. I gotta find away to fix this. I know I get hit in the head a lot, but this mix up has to stop before somebody gets really confused.

    Like me.


    As mentioned before, I’m a big believer in doing the little things to make someone else’s day (just as long as they don’t inconvenience me). Thursday was a good day for me. Not only did I do a good deed, I got reward for it. That whole ‘pay-it-forward’ concept.

    I went to McDonald’s for lunch and ordered a Happy Meal. I’m a big fan of ordering kid’s meals at fast food restaurants–and it has nothing to do with the toy. I hate fast food. They can brag all they want about improving quality but a $6 fast food cheeseburger is still a fast food cheeseburger. And with the dollar at an all-time low (thank you, Democrats), you can’t even eat at a fast food restaurant for less than six bucks. Why in the world am I gonna pay $6 for food that doesn’t taste good or leave me satisfied? Even if I supersize, I’m still hungry. After years and years of disappointing meals, I came to this conclusion: use the fast food restaurant as a snack; have cereal as a meal when I get home. Kid’s meals fit in perfectly with this approach: they’re cheap, smaller portions, and usually enough to hold me over for a bit. Plus, given the unhealthy nature of fast food, why pork out on something that’s bound to kill me eventually? I’ll stick with Fruit Loops ’cause Tuscan Sam hasn’t killed anyone.

    Anywhos, I was at McDonald’s and eating a Happy Meal. The toy was some sorta stupid action figure and I was wondering to myself what I was gonna do with it. I really didn’t wanna toss it in the trash but I already had plenty of useless crap lying around my house. That’s when I noticed the table across from me. There was a mom with four children–all under the age of five. The four kids all appeared to be eating–but there were only three Happy Meal boxes sitting on the table. The two youngest kids appeared to be too small to eat their own meal so the mother probably bought one Happy Meal between the two of them to split.

    I know what it’s like to be a kid and have brothers–sometimes it just sucks to share. So I walked over to her table and offered her my extra toy. She was very gracious and said that it was needed. I left feeling very proud of myself: I made some kid’s day and did a good deed (look out Heaven, here I come!).

    Later on that night, I had a softball game. One of the fields I play on requires individuals to buy a daily parking pass. It cost only a buck, but it still kinda irks me a bit. Whenever I play an earlier game, before I leave the field I place my parking permit inside the permit vending machine. I always figured I didn’t need it anymore. If I can save someone else a buck, good for them.

    I’ve been doing this practice for a couple years now and it’s finally paid off. When I went to the vending machine I found someone else’s discard permit there. Another, kind-hearted individual believed in the same practice I did. He saved me a buck that night. It was a simple deed that didn’t require any personal sacrifice.

    This might’ve been payback from giving that kid my Happy Meal toy earlier in the day. Or maybe just payback from all the times I did it for someone else. But I can tellya this much: it made my night (free parking!). I wonder if people realize how far the simple, little things go.

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