One of the side effects of marriage is having to share a bed with someone, which means my minor snoring problem has become a full-fledged nightmare to my beau. I don’t understand what the big deal–I sleep just fine. But The Girlfriend insists that my snoring problem is keeping her from having a productive night of sleep (she’s threatened to smother me: if we don’t resolve this problem soon, I fear I might wake up dead).
She tried earplugs at first–squishy little buggers that have no definite shape or form but were endorsed by airport personnel. Apparently my snoring rivals a 747 because even with the plugs in, The Girlfriend gets no sleep (and I hear about it in the morning).
The next step in this process was Breathe Right strips. I’m sure you know what it is–a little piece of plastic enclosed in an adhesive bandage-type strip one wears over their nose. The purpose of this strip is to pull your nostrils wipe open and widen the path air flows through the nose. I don’t know what sorta trademark or copyright restrictions these things have, but they are very much taking advantage of a monopoly. Millions of sleep-depraved spouses are forced to fork over six bucks for 12 of the tiny strips. There’s no generic or knockoff brand available, so the consumers have no choice: either overpay now for an inexpensive product or overpay later for an expensive divorce. Since my marriage is younger than the current television season, I opted to throw away the six bucks.
So far, we’re still not entirely sure if the strip is a success. Some nights, my snoring is ridiculously bad with the strip; some days I’m sleeping like a baby–but I get the same mixed results without the strips so who really knows? What I find most interesting is the old habit these strips brought out in me.
I use to wear glasses. It started when I was nine and only for reading and television watching purposes; it gradually elevated into all day except when I was playing sports or driving (’cause the last thing you want when driving is to see where you’re going). I’m sure I was no different than most glasses-wearers: occasionally the bridge started to irritate the nose and I had to lift the glasses up for a moment, just so my nose could breathe. Eventually, I had lasik and the glasses and irritation problem was gone forever.
Or so I thought.
The Breathe Right strip causes a minor irritation to my nose. No less than twice an hour, I find myself adjusting phantom “glasses” I don’t have–just like I would have done five years ago (pre lasik). The point is, you don’t realize how easy it is to slip into old behaviors and tendencies. I know damn well I’m not wearing glasses…and yet there I am, trying to adjust them. Kind of amusing–although it shouldn’tve taken me 500 words to tell it.