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Dear PayPal;
I recently added a bank account to my PayPal account but I think doing so created some sort of major glitch in your system. The bank account was somehow removed from my PayPal profile. When I tried to add it again, the account was disallowed. An error message told me to fax over a recent bank statement and a cover letter provided to re-add the account. I did as told and received another email telling me that I now needed to fax over a copy of my driver’s license and a copy of my most recent bank statement on a paper with bank letterhead. Meanwhile, I’ve been having all sorts of problems making transactions. My most recent purchase was didn’t go through and was canceled by the vendor because PayPal didn’t transfer the funds. What’s going on?
I receive paperless billing and don’t have access to my bank’s letterhead to print out a statement. Plus, I feel real uncomfortable spending copies of my driver’s license and bank statements to some foreign fax machine far away from me.
What gives? Why am I having problems? PayPal is supposed to be easy. If I knew there would be these ridiculous . . . . .
I am a volatile snorer. As I’ve stated many times before, it’s not an issue to me; however, The Wife insists it’s bad for her sleep and detrimental to our marriage. I rarely snore loud enough to wake myself up but since I’m not the only one in the bedroom, a solution must be found.
She started off with earplugs. Even though she found them uncomfortable, she was able to block out my trumpeting and sleep soundly…for a week. According to her, my snoring got worse and earplugs could no longer stop my snoring from rattling her brain.
I had my tonsils removed. Since my tonsils were “unusually large,” the doctor said taking ’em out would clear some space for air to flow and the snoring would cease. After the operation, The Wife said my snoring went away and she was finally able to sleep…for a week. Even though air had a clear path, my body found away and the snoring resumed.
The next step was more surgery. This time, the doctor cleaned out my ‘turbs’ (whatever they may be). Doc said it could increase airflow anywhere from 10-30 percent. I immediately felt the difference and realized I could finally . . . . .
From the pointless researcher department…
Did you know Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer was a girl? It’s true because I saw it in print. I’m not sure if I blame the journalist or the “experts” who debated this topic, but overthinking like this really sucks the fun out of Christmas.
Last week at work we had our annual white elephant gift exchange. At this point, I’m sure everyone is familiar with the concept (if not, Wikipedia it). Since I’m blessed with the unique combination of being extremely lazy and remarkably cheap, I decided to put zero time, money, and effort into a gift. Instead of trying to give a good/funny gift, I decided to give the lamest piece of crap that came to my mind. I reached this conclusion while reading an old newspaper…which prompted the idea to GIVE an old newspaper.
The Wife quickly protested the idea. “That’s an awful gift,” she said. “You can’t give that.”
“It’s supposed to be an awful gift,” I pleaded. “The only people who give anything good or nice are newbies–suckers who are too afraid to give junk.”
Despite much–uh, persistence–on her part, I stuck to my guns and wrapped up a week-old . . . . .
I spent much of November badmouthing elections–always with the disclaimer that I don’t vote. I figured I didn’t have to expand on the issue because it had already been discussed. But when I looked back through past archives, I realized that I never directly explained why I don’t vote. I’ve made comments here and there, but I have never sat down and detailed my logical reasons as to what I’m not part of the process. So here goes.
I don’t vote because I hate the system. It’s flawed, hypocritical, and a total charade. What we call modern elections isn’t what our forefathers conceived 200 years ago. It’s a far cry from the practice Socrates and Aristotle practiced in ancient Greece. Elections are a joke and I refuse to be a part of them.
Elections have nothing to do with candidates or issues: it’s about who puts on the better ad campaign. I’ve heard numerous pundits discuss how excellent Obama’s campaign was and that’s probably why he won. Meanwhile, most experts agreed McCain’s campaign was hectic, unorganized, and a bit of joke. That’s why he lost.
Ideally, a voter listens to both candidate discuss the issues and chooses the one he . . . . .
I’m not sure what to think of this, but my wife Photoshopped our wedding photos. She didn’t like the color of her dress so she changed it. You can’t rewrite history. I just hope her next alteration does involve replacing me with someone better looking.
When I was a kid, I used to twist around in circles just because I liked to see the world spin when I stopped. I grew out of it eventually–but the point is I didn’t use to get sick. First time I went on “Star Tours” I was ten years old and I didn’t get sick. Merry-go-rounds, carousel, or roundabouts, it didn’t matter: I could ride any amusement park attraction without getting sick (except the Teacups–that’s way too much spinning for any human to endure).
As I get older, I realize my stomach ain’t what it use to be. They say taste buds evolve as you get older; allergies can develop after adolescence. I think susceptibility to motion sickness is another change you body makes when you get older. My parents couldn’t tolerate even the mildest roller coaster…and I fear I might be joining them.
Over the past couple years, I find myself about to . . . . .
US automakers came to Congress asking for $30 billion, claiming without the dough they’ll go bankrupt. Congress didn’t trust them with $30 billion, instead opting to give them only $14 billion. That seems awfully foolish to me. If someone says “I need 30 bricks to build a house” and you decide to give them only 14 bricks, the house isn’t going to get built because it’s still 16 bricks short. Not only did the house not get built, you also wasted your 14 bricks on a project that didn’t have enough material. Same thing feels true about the carmakers. If the automakers needed $30 billion, what good is $14 billion going to do them?
On my honeymoon, I saw a lot of topless women. As per non-American customs, many women opted to remove their tops when sunbathing at the beach. If I was 14 and not accustomed to female mammaries, it would be heaven. Since I’m 31 and have a thorough and complete collection of porn on my hard drive, I wasn’t the slightest bit interested. It’s not just because I’ve seen more boobs than doughnuts. I’ve learned something from my years of “Girls Gone Wild” videos and consider . . . . .
Why is Jessica Alba considered a star? What has she ever done? She was on a short-lived television show about a decade ago. She was in the “Fantastic Four”–but it’s not like that increased her star power. And that’s about the only two things I think she’s ever done. I guess there’s no limits to how far a pretty face can take you.
Once again, I am completely out of the loop. Yahoo! released its annual list of top ten searches for 2008. These are the words and terms people most frequently type in the Yahoo! search engine. Of the ten, I can tell you that I have search for exactly zero of them. Not just in 2008–but my entire lifetime. I have never Yahooed Britney Spears (nor could I pick her out of a lineup of six other blonde girls). I never wanted to know anything about Angelina Jolie. I don’t think I’ve ever read an article about Lindsay Lohan. But it gets worse. Not only am I so anti-mainstream to never have searched for any of the ten terms, I never even heard of two of them. Who is Naruto and what the heck is a RuneScape?
I . . . . .
On Black Friday, there were three shopping-related deaths (giving new meaning to the term “shop ’til you drop”). I don’t understand the frenzy that motivates someone to kill for $3 off a Tickle-Me-Elmo doll, but then again there’s a lot I don’t understand about this world. Black Friday typically has some good deals but rarely anything good enough to get me out of bed before 5 am–and certainly nothing worth killing for. Like cattle being chase by a hound, dozens of Wal-Mart customers trampled a man as the store open. And at a Toys-R-Us, two men–both armed–shot each other.
While what happened at that Toys-R-Us is a tragedy (that’s what some would say; I think it’s a good thing when you rid the world full of two bozos who take guns to go toy shopping), I think the overreaction by Toys-R-Us and local police is a bit of a joke. On Saturday, deputies patrolled the Palm Desert store, ensuring there wouldn’t be repeat. Really? Is that necessary? What happened on Black Friday was the perfect storm: a mad rush of shoppers, two armed idiots, and a crowd of people who had to watch the Lions game on TV. No one . . . . .
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