Eight reason to follow Octomom

For some reason, I find myself fascinated with Octomom. It’s so unlike me to care about something that doesn’t affect me. I don’t care which celebrity got married, cheated on his girlfriend, or got pregnant because it’s none of my business and doesn’t affect me. That’s what makes my Octomom interest so hypocritical: whatever she does is none of my business and doesn’t affect me. And yet…I’m compelled.

I think I’m lured by the situation–it’s a circus of chaos. Where else is the media parked outside 24 hours a day? The cameras follow her for a reason–the woman is a total nut job. It seems like there’s Octomom news on a daily basis. But above all, I’m waiting for her inevitable crash. When the media goes away, she’s going to hafta find a way to raise 14 children on zero income (Her family has more parts than a basketball team. An NBA squad has 12 players; she has 14 kids. If Donald Sterling can barely afford to pay the Clippers: how is she going to feed her own flock?). I’m not sure what sorta satisfaction I’m looking for–I just know the moment it all comes crumbling down will bring me tremendous satisfaction. Maybe it’s because how the public saw her story unfold. She went from a feel-good mommy story to a deadbeat, narcissistic, burden on society.

People were/are fascinated with Britney Spears because they’re waiting for her to crash. Octomom is different–everything will fall apart. Britney has marketable skills(a pretty face) and a strong following (teenage boys); Octomom is a lunatic with a uterus. The end will come. The media will stop calling. And she’ll have 14 mouths to feed with no husband. Even the world’s best hooker could afford that debt.

I suppose my interest in her is part of the problem. The reason the media camps out in front of her house is because people like me care. We’re all waiting for the fall. It will happen–oh yes; it will happen…

In honor of Octomom’s eight children, I have composed a list of the eight reasons why I follow Octomom.

1) She doesn’t have a job and hasn’t gone to work in ten years. In some regards, she is my hero.
2) Her downfall is inevitable. When it comes, it will be a giant, spectacular fall.
3) She’s a nut. Every time she opens her mouth, something ridiculous comes out.
4) She welcomes the attention (see #2 and #3).
5) She won’t disclose who is the dad. Somewhere, someone is out there completely terrified of having eight more child support checks to write.
6) The circus keeps getting better and better. Did you see the footage from the day she brought the first two octuplets home? It was a mob scene that dwarfs the chaos any Beatle concert could cause.
7) She deserves this nightmare she created for herself. Being an unemployed single mother of one wasn’t enough for her? Maybe by her 18th child she’ll realize it was a mistake.
8) She’s so toxic, even her own publicists don’t want to deal with her. How many difference agencies has she gone through? Two? Three? Eight?