Drawing on the wall; lying on the stand

While using a public restroom earlier today, I couldn’t help but notice the, uh, ‘artwork’ that decorated the stalls. Besides the dirty lyrics and phone numbers of girls looking for a good time, there were quite a few penises drawn on the walls. What compelled a man to draw a penis (I’m assuming man–this was a men’s room)? Much like any other drawing, it’s a skill that is perfected and mastered through time. Did Matt Groening draw a perfect Homer first time he sketched with his crayons? Of course not–through practice, he evolved to the point he could sketch the entire Simpson family in about 15 seconds. Same is probably true for the penis-sketchers. They spend their free time doodling ding-a-lings that they can throw one on a bathroom wall in seconds. I find a bit of irony in that. Those who write are walls do so to prove their manhood. They tend to be lowlife scumbags who masquerade in a macho persona. But if you’re a guy who spends his free time drawing penis replications, exactly how manly are you? If anything, that kinda fascinated with male genitals strikes me as a bit gay. But that’s just my take.

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I understand our legal system would rather have ten guilty men go free than convict one innocent man. It stacks the deck against the prosecution and I get that. But it drives me nuts when people intentionally lie to the judicial system to help someone get away with a crime. The prosecution has plenty of other obstacles to overcome–lying witnesses shouldn’t be one of them.

I’ve seen a lot of “Law & Order” and I know it’s not what most lawyers would call an accurate portrayal of the trial system. That being said, I despise watching witnesses lie on the behalf of the defendant. The lies aren’t limited to false alibis. I hate it when someone tells the police one thing and testifies to something completely different–boldfaced, blatant lies.

I think the penalty for perjury is too low (I’m looking at you, Barry Bonds). I understand why a defendant would lie–he’s trying to save his ass. But witnesses have no right to lie. Our legal system is based on people telling the truth. Those who don’t tell the truth need to be punished significantly as a deterrent to others who consider lying in court. Tell a blatant lie on the stand and you shoul get life in prison without appeals. None of this minor contempt of court crap. I’d gladly spend a day in jail to keep my brother out for 20 years (well, some of my brothers). But if I knew I was looking at more time than he was I’d squeal like no rat has ever squealed before.

If a witness tells the police one thing and testifies to the complete opposite in court you know he’s lying somewhere. Whether it’s his statement to the police or what he said on the stand, both can’t be right–there’s a lie in there somewhere. It doesn’t matter which story is the truth and which is fabricated–he lied to someone. Since his lie hindered the prosecution, that should be an automatic life sentence. You don’t even need a jury to convict–the conviction is in his statements.

But that’s just my beef. The only thing I truly know about the legal system is you never say anything without your lawyer.

…or so I’ve been told.