Bargain huntin’ in the Craigslist bin

Now that our car quest is over and The Wife has a suitable vehicle, I am in the process of trying to unload her car on some poor, unsuspecting sucker. Not that I’m trying to scam anyone–I’m very clear about the process and have no intention of hiding the blown head gasket (it’s not like you can hide a blown head gasket anyway–the car shakes like a earthquake when you drive it).

In the past, I’ve always used Autotrader to buy and sell cars. But about a dozen years ago something called the internet got invented (by Al Gore) and launched all sorts of wonderful free services–most notably, Craigslist. Craigslist has been in the news an awful lot lately. For those unfamiliar with the service, Craigslist offers more than overweight strippers and dirt cheap hookers–you can also buy and sell goods. So instead of plopping down 50 bucks on Autotrader, I opted to try posting a free ad on Craigslist.

They say in life you get what you pay for. Perhaps that’s the attitude of Craigslist shoppers: they figure since the ad is free, the product should also be available at a significant discount. I can’t believe the riffraff I’ve had calling me since I posted the ad. I’d say at least half the calls I get start with “Do you speak Spanish?” I don’t understand how a person can read an ad written in English and expect the seller to speak Spanish! This is America. The Constitution is in English. The president speaks English. I speak English. You wanna speak Spanish, go back to Mexico! I told one caller I didn’t understand Spanish and he continued to speak Spanish anyway!

But that’s not the point I set out to write. I wanna talk about the bargain-hunters. The car needs a new head gasket–something that cost about $1500 to fix. Most people who buy a car don’t have an extra $1500 for repairs. I figure the person most likely to buy our car is a mechanic–someone who can fix it cheap; however, I don’t want to limit the car only to grease monkeys. Identical cars of the same make with the same mileage are listed for between $5000-$6000. Because I know my car has an added expense to fix, I’m “asking” $2900 for it. Since the price is waaaaay below what others are selling for, I’m getting a lot of calls–I’m just not getting calls from people with any common sense.

For those who don’t know, a bad head gasket on a car is kind of a big deal. Like I said–it cost about $1500 to fix and isn’t the sorta thing you can ignore (unless you’re into earthquake simulations). Most guys can tell you a bad head gasket is a big deal. They might not know what a head gasket does is or how to fix it–but they know the car has problems. At least I thought they did.

Earlier in the week I got a call from someone asking about the car. He asked if I was flexible in the price. “I suppose I could be: what are you offering?”

“The car has a bad head gasket,” he said. “That cost like $1500 to fix. If you take $1500 off the price, I might be interested.”

I pointed out to him that I already took $2000 off the price of similar makes and models, but he argued that shouldn’t count because that wasn’t what I listed the price for. If it was going to cost him $1500 to get the car fixed, I needed to take $1500 off the price on the ad. I hung up on him because I didn’t feel like arguing with an idiot. There’s no middle ground when someone wants to slash your price by 50 percent.

Later on the week I receive another absurd offer from a different caller–a situation so laughable it felt like an episode of “Seinfeld.” I was asked, “Would you consider trading the car for other items of value?”

“Not unless those ‘items of value’ are diamonds,” I answered.

“Would you consider trading it for another vehicle,” he asked.

“I already have too many cars–that’s why I’m selling this one,” I told him.

And just in case I misunderstood the question he asked; “So you would not be willing to trade the car for anything?” What is up with these people? This is insane–doesn’t anybody pay for anything anymore? If I get one more caller like this, I might become the next Craigslist killer.

I think I understand why when I was trying to buy a car I got a lot of rude, disinterested sellers. The world is full of illogical bullies. They think they’re entitled to get what they want and aren’t the slightest bit civil about it. The world didn’t use to be this way–did it? I think there were more manners a hundred years ago–there had to be. When a cowboy tried selling his horse, were his buyers this rude?

I wonder if this is just a Craigslist-thing. Maybe only scum use Craigslist. When I sold my car a couple years ago, I had problem buyers–but not at the rate I’ve had with Craigslist. Maybe I’m asking too little for the car. Maybe only scumbags are looking to spend $3000 for a car. Maybe if I list it for $30,000 and offer a 90 percent discount I’ll get calls from English-speaking socialites. We’ll see…