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    Recent iRANTs

    I love this game (or LFL action is craptastic!)

    Sitting at home on a Friday night, I managed to stumble across something wonderful on the television. I’m sure everyone has heard of the Lingerie Bowl–but did you know there’s actually Lingerie Football League? It’s was the most entertaining thing I’ve seen in months…and not for the reasons you’d think.

    The LFL is horrible, hideous, and the most pathetic business venture I’ve seen since my parents decided to open up their own restaurant. The football was beyond bad. The announcers took their job too seriously. And the uniforms looked like a pathetic attempt at creating risqué Halloween costumes. Maybe it’s the part of me that loves watching a train wreck, but I couldn’t look away. I found myself laughing, crying, and wishing I had a bunch of buddies over so I could watch the spectacle with other train wreck fans.

    Where do I begin? Wow. Speechless–I feel speechless. I don’t know what to mock first!

    I guess we’ll start with the football. As gridiron junkie, I can appreciate good football like a Frenchman saviors a fine cheese. What these girls were playing couldn’t be called football–ten-year olds play better football than what I saw (at least 10-year olds try . . . . .

     

    September 29th, 2009 | Tags: , | Category: iRANT, Social Observations, Sports | Comments are closed

    From Russia with love (it’s in the game)

    Real quick. I’m going with Eagles vs. Patriots in the Super Bowl. I decided it last week before the weekend games but never got around to writing it. My Eagle prediction looks shaky given McNabb’s injury, but I made this before the season started and gotta stick with it (plan B: the Giants). As usual, I never pick the Super Bowl winner because anything can happen in a single game.

    I am obsessed with Tetris.* There–I said it. I played the game religiously as a kid on my Game Boy. I sacrificed many dates and opportunities to interact with real human beings because of Tetris. I would rock out to the Tetris theme in my bedroom. I even wanted to name my firstborn child Tetris. Tetris was the video game equivalent of crack. I can’t even begin to guess how many months of my life I wasted playing Tetris (we’re way beyond hours and days). There were other video games, but nothing could compete with the rush I got from a game of Tetris. It was a staple–I took my Game Boy with me everywhere I went because the great thing about Tetris was its closure: a game of . . . . .

     

    September 18th, 2009 | Tags: , | Category: iRANT, Sports | Comments are closed

    Soccer class kicks (my) ass!

    This semester I decided to take a soccer class at the university. My foray into kinesiology was motivated by two factors: 1) I couldn’t get into the classes I wanted and 2) I got nothing better to do. I skipped softball because I’m already a master of the sport. Basketball wasn’t going to fly because short white men can’t dunk. I knew if I took yoga I’d probably break something (most likely my back). Soccer felt like the right choice because it’s a game I love and I had nothing to lose.

    I haven’t played soccer in about 15 years. Despite its absence, I love soccer–played it throughout the majority of my youth (my father was Italian so it was only natural I learn the family tradition). Many kids played soccer when they’re four or five years old; very few continue playing after the age of 12. Hardly anybody plays in high school. Not only did I play soccer in my late teens, I did so at the expense of other traditional high school activities (such as football, girls, or summer vacation). The last time I played soccer was in high school and I was looking forward to getting on . . . . .

     

    September 14th, 2009 | Category: iRANT, School, Sports, Uncomfortably Aging | Comments are closed

    An absence explained; hot grannies cause shame

    In season seven of “24” there’s an actress who caught my eye. While no woman could ever tame Jack Bauer, there’s something about this gal I like looking at. Now I wouldn’t go as far as calling her hot because her attractiveness falls way short of your average supermodel. She just has a thing about her–kinda of like “old lady hot.” Every time I looked at her, I found myself thinking, For someone her age, she doesn’t look bad. Her face had a wrinkle or two–but she wore it well. After two or three episodes, I became obsessed: I wanted to know more about her. What was her name? How old was she? Did she ever do softcore porn? Once again, not because she was hot–just attractive in an older woman kind of way. I dare not disclose her name because I don’t wanna be considered a granny chaser. Besides, I assumed she was much too old to be considered attractive by most standards.

    Given my predetermined assumption that this woman was “older,” imagine my horror to discover she’s is only a few months my senior. This “old lady” is my age! Technically my peer and probably an ideal mate . . . . .

     

    September 2nd, 2009 | Tags: , | Category: iRANT, TV, Uncomfortably Aging | Comments are closed