Perhaps gift-wrapped divorce papers are not the best choice as a Christmas present for a spouse.
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It should be Christmas every day: there’s no traffic anywhere! #ifsantawasblack he’d get pulled over for driving an expensive sleigh in a good neighborhood. What? White people can’t make that joke? How can you tell when you’ve reached rock bottom? When you’re shopping for The Wife’s Xmas present at a 99 Cents Only Store. I knew I should have spent a little bit more on a good prostitute. #MyLastWordsWillBe Way back when–a long time ago in the year 2000–I signed up to be a bone marrow donor. Not because I wanted to. Not because it was the right thing to do. Nope. I did it for free baseball tickets. I remember the day quite vividly. It was an August (or maybe September) and I was at a carnival or festival, or maybe the Orange County Fair (maybe I don’t remember it as vividly as I thought). Anywhos, I was there with my buddy, El Diablo, and we saw a booth giving away free Angel tickets. All we had to do was give a tiny prick of blood. They would put us on the bone marrow donor list and we could each score four free tickets. Seemed fair enough. Heck, seemed more than fair. With eight tickets and only two asses, we figure we could sell the remaining six tickets for $10 a pop and make 60 bucks off the deal. “It’s not like we actually hafta give them anything,” El Diablo pointed out. He was right. I had no intention of ever “donating” my marrow. I knew little about it other than they had to drill into your hip . . . . .
This is really good Kool-Aid. #MyLastWordsWillBe Let’s see if we can make him mad. #MyLastWordsWillBe Maybe we should cut the blue wire instead… #MyLastWordsWillBe Yes, I would like fries with that. #MyLastWordsWillBe |
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