Saw “Die Hard” on Telemundo. Either my Spanish has gotten much better or I’ve seen that movie too many times ’cause I understood every word.
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This is part two of a story I set out to tell the other day. Hopefully this time I’ll stay awake long enough to finish. I recently moved into an apartment that put me in the ideal situation to steal cable. See, stealing cable is no easy task. You need to find the right conditions to make it work. By my rough (uneducated) statement, it can probably be done in most apartment buildings. Unfortunately, I haven’t lived in any of those apartment buildings until now. The important thing to remember about stealing cable is that you can’t be picky. You might not get 200 channels. You might not get HD. You might not even get a perfect picture. Luckily for me, I’m willing to settle for what I can get (look at my car, my job, my wife, my life). I don’t need the finer things in life. I don’t need BET, Bravo, or HGTV. Heck, I don’t even need 50 channels. As long as I get ESPN, ESPN2, and Fox Sports I’m a happy man. Anything else is cake because the only reason I want cable is to watch baseball (that and the sheer joy of stealing cable). Once . . . . .
Disorganized, unhelpful, and intentionally rude: The US Post Office–where the unemployable go to find jobs. I hate the Post Office… One of my goals in life has been to steal cable (either I have low ambitions or I’m more morally ambiguous than I realized). Free Cable is like the Holy Grail to this cheapskate. I like the idea of having cable, but I can’t fiscally justify it. Cable bills run north of $60, and I simply can’t see getting $60 a month of entertainment out of television. If I had an extra $2 a day to spend on something, I would blow it on food. A supersize here. A soda there. Maybe even upgrade from London broil to rib eye. Mmmm….rib eye. I also take great joy in the idea of stealing cable. I hate the pay-TV services. Satellite, fiber optics, cable–they’re all the same. They toy with packages and plans–trying to outdo each other and market the lowest price. But the truth is, they’re all the same. Because $19.99 might seem like a great deal for television. But then you need to add a $10 box rental fee, another $10 for HD–oh, and that $19.99 price only includes local channels (ya know–the free stuff you get with an antenna). If you want TBS, ESPN, or USA that’s a different . . . . .
I’m trying to get rid of my unnecessary crap, so I’m selling ’em on Craigslist. I posted a computer monitor for $50 and a PC for $25 (the PC is a real piece of junk). Each has their own separate listing, yet I get a call like this one. “I’m calling about the computer and monitor.” “Yes, I still have it.” “Your ad said I can have both for $50.” Not true. In fact, the monitor ad made no mention of a PC, and the PC made no mention of a monitor. “No, it does not. I want 50 for the monitor and 25 for the computer.” “But your ad says I can get both for $50.” I expected a barter from Craigslist people because Craigslist people are the lowest scum of the earth (yes, even below Mexicans–but that’s because Craigslist people are Mexicans looking for a deal). I’ve been lowballed multiple times on Craigslist–which usually elicits the same response from me (f@$% you). But this was a new approach. Now this scumbag was telling me what my ad said. “It does not say both for $50. I should know: I wrote the ad.” Nevertheless, he was insistent. The ad . . . . .
Is there any music worse than Christian rock? Even if you ignore the message, the melodies are drab & the lyrics ridiculously predictable. When I was a kid if I forgot my lunch at home my parents would drop off an empty bag with a note that said “Forgetful boys don’t eat” A kid forgot her lunch for school so her parents dropped off In-N-Out. Makes me wish I forgot my lunch at home too. #CrappyColdLunch |
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