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FacebookOne of my goals in life has been to steal cable (either I have low ambitions or I’m more morally ambiguous than I realized). Free Cable is like the Holy Grail to this cheapskate. I like the idea of having cable, but I can’t fiscally justify it. Cable bills run north of $60, and I simply can’t see getting $60 a month of entertainment out of television. If I had an extra $2 a day to spend on something, I would blow it on food. A supersize here. A soda there. Maybe even upgrade from London broil to rib eye. Mmmm….rib eye.
I also take great joy in the idea of stealing cable. I hate the pay-TV services. Satellite, fiber optics, cable–they’re all the same. They toy with packages and plans–trying to outdo each other and market the lowest price. But the truth is, they’re all the same. Because $19.99 might seem like a great deal for television. But then you need to add a $10 box rental fee, another $10 for HD–oh, and that $19.99 price only includes local channels (ya know–the free stuff you get with an antenna). If you want TBS, ESPN, or USA that’s a different package. Not to mention $19.99 is only an introductory price good for six months. You have to sign a 24-month contact (err, “service agreement”), but they can’t tell you what your bill will be during months 7-24. It’s all a game. A bunch of false promises and price manipulation designed to get you into their service.
It angers me as a consumer. I’m surprised Congress has stepped in and put an end to these shenanigans. Sure, Congress has no problem outlawing incandescent light bulbs, but when it comes to something that actually affects 80% of the country Congress can’t be bothered. I’m sure the lobbyists have something to do with that.
Sorry, started to get a little off track there. The last thing I want to do is come off as a member of Alex Jones’ flock.
I have a personal theory–one that was developed from no business background or educated information whatsoever. I believe the more an industry advertises, the more profitable it is. Services like pay-TV, car insurance, and cell phone carriers advertise relentlessly because they are extremely profitable. Despite numerous competitors, these industries are extremely lucrative–they have to be to afford the amount of marketing they do. Damn…starting to drift off into another Alex Jones moment.
The point is, I think stealing cable is a victimless crime. The cable companies are making plenty of money. I don’t see why I need to be paying into a system that’s already making money off advertising revenue. It would be one thing if cable channels were commercial free–then I’d be getting something for my money. But the reality is the television industry is doing quite fine and doesn’t need to squeeze me. Why should I pay to watch a rerun of “Friends” when the show has no production costs at this point? Why should I pay to watch a baseball game when the industry makes over $2 billon dollars a year and delivers profits to athletes and owners that are simply obscene?
Stealing cable is such a natural fit for me–it’s just a darn shame I haven’t done it before. I’ve wanted Free Cable ever since I was kid. Rumour had that the family next door to me had Free Cable. I thought he was the coolest kid I knew. Sure I had better Legos, clean clothes, and a mom and dad who loved me–but he had Free Cable. My life just felt so empty compared to his.
Ugh. It’s getting late and I’m getting tired. I’ll continue this tale tomorrow. Leave ’em wanting more–that’s what they say in show business.