Twitter Quip

    I want chocolate but don’t want to pay for it. If…

    I want chocolate but don’t want to pay for it. If only there was some sorta method people could use to score free candy today…

    I’m the only teacher at my school who keeps a swea…

    I’m the only teacher at my school who keeps a swear jar on his desk.

    I’m taking the day off. I’ll still go to work–I’…

    I’m taking the day off. I’ll still go to work–I’m just not going to do anything.

    Mini rants: The politics of fees

    Last week I walked passed a booth of volunteers trying to get people to register to vote. A gal jumped in front of me and asked with her biggest smile, “Are you registered to vote?”

    “Of course I am,” I said politely. While I saw no need to be rude, this was a conversation I really didn’t want to participate in. Being completely exhausted with work and having a newborn to worry about 90 percent of my brainpower was focused on something else. I was on autopilot: barely aware that I was even talking to her.

    “That’s wonderful,” she replied. “Would you like to volunteer your time?”

    And without realizing what I was doing, I blurted out laughing, “No.” I feel a little bad because I respect what she was doing…but volunteer work is just something I don’t believe in. Kinda like charity and the Easter Bunny.

    I hate fees. I don’t think this a word that makes me cringe more than fees. I know some things have a price; other things have a cost. But there’s something about fees. Name something–anything–that you ever paid a “fee” for–was something you actually wanted? When you get a parking ticket, you hafta . . . . .

     

    Anyone want to buy a newborn? I heard you can get…

    Anyone want to buy a newborn? I heard you can get a lot of money for a white baby on the black market.

    Few things amuse me as much as an Asian guy named…

    Few things amuse me as much as an Asian guy named “Charlie.”

    This probably speaks more to brand loyalty than an…

    This probably speaks more to brand loyalty than anything else, but I think the girls who work at T-Mobile are all really hot.

    87 octane? 89? 91? Who cares: it all comes from th…

    87 octane? 89? 91? Who cares: it all comes from the same dinosaur.

    I always find it reassuring when I see a police he…

    I always find it reassuring when I see a police helicopter flying over an apartment building that isn’t mine.

    Does Obamacare cover ebola?

    Does Obamacare cover ebola?