Twitter Quip

    Exactly how many doughnuts is too many? I know th…

    Exactly how many doughnuts is too many? I know that it’s more than a dozen ’cause I’m still hungry.

    I want to get into a dispute w/someone on the step…

    I want to get into a dispute w/someone on the steps of 1 First St in Washgtn DC so I can say I argued my case in front of the Supreme Court.

    Cremating drunks can be dangerous because the alco…

    Cremating drunks can be dangerous because the alcohol in their system makes them extra flammable.

    If you were naked & choking on a piece of food…

    If you were naked & choking on a piece of food & the only other person around is another naked man would you let him do Heimlich Maneuver?

    An 80s music video block on VH1 confirmed what I a…

    An 80s music video block on VH1 confirmed what I always suspected: women in the 80s were not attractive.

    My weather app says it’s 95 degrees outside with a…

    My weather app says it’s 95 degrees outside with a high of 88. I think I need a new weather app. Or a cooler sun.