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FacebookWhen life gets too busy or I have nothing to complain about, I just reach back and find something I wrote earlier but never posted (usually because it was uninteresting or poorly written…or maybe even both). This is one of those stories.
Over the weekend I had a particularly embarrassing incident. I woke up in the middle of the night to take a tinkle. I’ve been living in this house for three years; peeing in the same bathroom for three years. I haven’t moved any furniture since the day I got here and am pretty capable of wandering around in the dark. I made my way to the bathroom and started to go…only to discover the toilet seat cover was down. Call me unsivilzed if you want, but I live alone so I never bother putting the cover down. That’s why I didn’t bother to check before I went. In retrospect, I probably should’ve–but it was dark, I was tired, and we’re talking about three years of conditioning here. The sound immediately told me something was wrong so I put the brakes on and assessed the situation. The toilet seat cover was down and I missed like no man had ever missed before. Unfortunately, the damage was done and the following morning my bathroom smelled like a homeless man…but what I still haven’t figured out is how the cover got down in the first place. If I got gnomes breaking into my house that put down the toilet seat cover, the least they could do is make sure I always have toilet paper on the roll…but that’s another story for a different day.
Deep-down, I believe that people are all selfish assholes at their heart. Sure, most people don’t act like self-centered jerks on a daily basis–but that’s only because people are non-confrontational. Everyone hates an argument. But when they’re protected by anonymity–when they don’t hafta deal with the person they’re taking advantage of–most people would gladly do it and not think twice.
I was thinking this today as I was driving my car. I can’t thing of a place were people act like bigger jerks than on the freeway. Folks will cut you off; accelerate when you use your turn signal; and cut in front of long lines on off ramps all because it serves their own best interest. No one acts that way outside their cars and I think the reason is because when you’re a jerk in your car, you never hafta deal with the consequences of acting like a jerk. If someone cuts in line at the grocery store, they’re gonna hear it from me and everyone else in line (especially me: I don’t tolerate that crap. It’s a friggin’ miracle I haven’t been banned from Disneyland yet). But in their car, folks can act as selfish as they want and no one will ever call them on it. There is no personal interaction inside a car. Maybe that’s why some folks carry a gun–it’s the only form of inter-vehicle communication between strangers
I don’t care for people who hide behind their windshields. When I’m freeway traffic and a lane disappears, I’ll slid into the middle of the lane because I’d don’t want other cars riding on the shoulder to get ahead of traffic. We all gotta wait and I see no reason why someone should be allowed to cut ahead because they think they’re too good for traffic. Stuff like that really pisses me off.
Assholes also hide behind the anonymity of the internet. I’ve seen the things animals say in message boards and emails–stuff you would never say to anyone. You can’t talk to anyone like that–not without getting your ass kick (’cause no matter how small or weak your target is, he always has a bigger cousin). But when you’re safely at home on a keyboard, you can say whatever you want. I just wish there were more Jay and Silent Bob’s out there to track these jerkweeds down and giving them a good beating.