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FacebookI recently wrote about my spouse and referred to her as “The Girlfriend.” Now that we’re married, I probably should start calling her The Wife…but I’m not sure I like it. While, technically, it is her new title–it just feels weird. Not to have a wife–I’m okay with that–I just don’t like the idea of changing someone’s name. The Girlfriend is embedded in me. It rolls off the tongue. Whenever I look at my beloved, I see “The Girlfriend.” It’s kinda like when a long-time friend decides he’s no longer Robert and wants to be called Roberta. As much as you wanna honor their wishes, old habits die hard. It’s gonna be tough, but I’ll do it. Besides, if I keep calling her The Girlfriend it’s going to get complicated when I get a mistress.
I hate computer geeks. These tech guys…they’re just so pathetic. They’re obsessed with technology. Not practical technology–just raw numbers and specs. It’s all about the latest and greatest with computer geeks. Old is always bad…even though 95 percent of the population would be perfectly content with five-year old technology. They’re all like some sorta bad cliché.
I took a computer repair class this fall (not because I wanna learn something; I just wanna get certified). The class is taught from the perspective of knowing nothing–which is a total crock. My mom knows nothing about computers: why in the world would she take a computer repair class? If anyone had the slightest interest in computer repair, chances are they’d already know the basics. The class is filled with folks like me: self-taught computer geeks who are merely there for the certification.
Because these computer geeks are such losers in life, they take great pride in getting an A on a test full of things they already knew. Not studying isn’t an embarrassment–it’s an order of pride. A guy knows the answer to a question on a test and blurts out a “yes” when he gets it right. It’s all quite pathetic.
Most computer geeks aren’t as versed as me. Not only have I seen a naked woman, I’m also interested in other things in life. I like sports, read literature, follow politics, and even dabble in pop culture–making me a modern day da Vinci compared to computer geeks. Because things outside of microchips and processors rarely interest them, the geeks aren’t good at pretty much everything. That’s why I think they become so boastful and proud when it comes to subject matters they do follow: it’s the only time they can talk about something without feeling socially inept.
Want proof? On my mobile phone I have pictures of The Wife, my cat, and amusing situations I’ve come across. My classmates…they have pictures of their motherboards. If it was one geek, I’d feel a little sorry for him. Unfortunately, he’s not the only one and after the first guy started showing off his board, three other phones with motherboard pictures appeared.
Computer geeks are completely removed from reality. They spout out model numbers and specifications and know more about hardware than the engineers who designed the components in the first place. But I’m willing to be half of them couldn’t name all 50 states. I wonder if it’s just how they’re wired–clearly you gotta possess some high level of mental capacity to know the how many pins are on a ZIF lock processor. Yet there’s just something about all of them…they’re just not right. They all have to boast and brag and one up each other.
A classmate saw me with my MP3 player and inquired about its capacity. “Five gigs,” I told him. He mocked me. I didn’t see what the big deal was. I only listen to my favourite talk shows on podcasts–a day’s worth of MP3s aren’t even 1/100 of the player’s capacity. The device was top of the line, über expensive three years ago…and now it’s worthless? It’s not like I was showing up to class in woman’s clothing–but that’s the kinda reaction I got from this geek: he made it seem like I was doing something socially unacceptable.
This is why people are broke (that same computer geek doesn’t have a car because he can’t afford it…even though he bragged his system is worth more than six grand and he builds a new one twice a year). Just because something is old it doesn’t mean it doesn’t work. And even though I explained to the geek that my MP3 player more than covered my needs, he couldn’t comprehend why I would want it when the new MP3 players hold so much more.
Technology isn’t about raw numbers or specs. It isn’t about how fast something tests at in a lab. It’s about practical application. My home network puts the geek’s to shame. I design and maintain my own website–all on computers at least three years old. It doesn’t matter what your computer is capable of–it’s a matter of what you do with it. If I’m only using a fraction of my MP3 player’s capacity, in all actuality, I’m wasting most of it. But the geek doesn’t see it that way. He sees limitations; not applications.
“My MP3 player has 120 gigabytes,” he said to me–kinda like a parent bragging about how hard his kid throws in little league. “That’s about 30,000 songs.”
Really? Thirty thousand? Is that necessary? Think about that for a moment. At four minutes a song, that’s like 2000 hours of music. How long would it take someone to listen to 2000 hours of music? Well, obviously 2000 hours–but that’s not the point. You’d have to be listening to the thing 24 hours a day for 83 days just to get through it all–that’s almost three months. Not to mention, assuming he gets all 30,000 of those songs through legal means (because I would never encourage illegal activity), it’ll take him $30,000 to fill up that MP3 player. Even the new kids on “90210” don’t have that kinda cash.
Plus, why did he feel the need to point out how much larger his MP3 player is? It wasn’t a contest. I made no assumption my audio player put his to shame. But because his self-esteem is destroyed from accomplishing nothing with his life, he has to put me down to validate his own existence.
I have a saying. I know it’s not mine so I can’t really claim it–but it’s something that I very much believe in. Stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason: they’re most true. Foreigners work in Qwik-E-Marts. Jews have big noses. Asians can’t drive. Computer geeks are all believed to be awkward losers and socially inept. The majority of my classmates emphatically fit the bill.
Except for me–I’m cool.