Hipper Than a 5th Grader: A Lesson in Gangsta Rap

My school is located in a low-income neighborhood. Because of that, many students do not have internet access at home. It blows me away how anybody can not have internet in today’s world. My goodness—everything is done online. But you know that already. The internet should be a priority. Cancel the cable TV. Don’t give every member in your household a cell phone. Skip a meal once a week. Anything to come up with the $15 or so need for basic DSL. Hell, even Time Warner advertises “This is not a promotional price.” It’s inexcusable that these kids don’t have internet at home.

Because they don’t have internet I open up my classroom before school so they can play games and watch YouTube videos (school-appropriate, of course). Some of the kids who come in like to watch YouTube videos of the latest stars, which is fine by me–as long as it’s school appropriate (hmmm…maybe these kids do have internet at home and their parents won’t let them watch rap videos–kids don’t lie, do they?).

One day a group of fifth grade boys gathered around the computer to jam to the latest crap the RIAA passes off as music. “Mr. Nerd, Mr. Nerd–you gotta hear this,” they said. Being the good role model/mentor I am, I humored them through gibberish that can only be described as painful on the ears.

–“Listen to 2Chainz–he kicks it.”

–“I like Big Krit–makes crazy beats.”

–“Young Money is tiiiight!”

“Wow, that’s awesome,” I said reaffirmed their suspicion that I’m cool (thanks to “The Lego Movie”, ‘awesome’ is now a total acceptable form of vernacular). “I got something else you should check out. This guy is the bomb. He drops hella-good beats. Dude is off the hook” (the ‘the bomb,’ ‘hella-good,’ and ‘off the hook’ are not).

They look out each other and after a couple murmurs and nods they agreed: “Yeah, we want to hear him.”

“Click here,” I said pointing to the search bar. Now type ‘Kenny G.’ No, not G-E-E–just the letter G. Have you ever heard of him?” No one in the group did. “Oh man, he rocks. Gangsta name like that, you know he keeps it real.”

A video was selected–I don’t know which one. It was in black and white while Kenny G gyrated on a dock near an airplane.

–“What the F is this?”

–“This is horrible!”

–“It’s making me sleepy.”

And my personal favorite.

–“Why is Jesus playing a saxophone?”

“That’s it heard enough. Please turn this garbage off,” I laughed. That’s when the kids realized I was messing with them–once again reaffirming my status as the coolest kid grownup at school.

I gotta admit: I’m a little proud of this one. C’mon–with a name like “Kenny G” you almost expect a rap star. Well, unless you’re older than a fifth grader.