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FacebookSo think I killed someone recently. It was not my intent to kill them (that would be first degree murder), but rather a course of circumstances that I was involved in lead to their probable death (second degree manslaughter–a far lighter sentence). But we’ll get to that in a moment.
Recently I attempted to sell a mobile phone I was no longer using. A year ago it was top of the line, but I didn’t care much for it and hardly used it (I’m old school: I need a keyboard). I posted the phone on craigslist for $200 because they were selling for about $250 on eBay and I saw nothing cheaper than $240 on craigslist.
Ahh craigslist…it’s a great place to buy and sell goods. Unfortunately, you have to deal with craigslist people. I don’t think highly of craigslist people: you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy outside of craigslist. Sure, craigslist is great when you’re trading with a decent person. But in my experience, 95 percent of craiglisters are illiterate, stupid, cheap, rude, dishonest, or just downright annoying.
Part of it is my doing. I sell things cheap so I’m dealing with cheap people. When I list something on craigslist, I always check what other people are selling it for first. And since I typically price things to sell, I’ll list it around 20 percent less than the lowest price I can find. That leads to lots of people looking at my ad–but it also leads to me having to deal with lots of people. Which leads to exchanges like this.
I think one of the biggest craigslist problems is people are pushy. The buyers seem to think they’re the only fish in the sea when in reality they need you far more than you need them (especially if you’re priced 20 percent lower than anyone else). This misplaced confidence leads to aggression that really irritates me. Here are some of the texts I received:
Mind you, these are not conversations but rather the first text I received from each person. No “Hello, is the phone still available?” Or “I can give you $150” as part of a bartering conversation. No-no, craigslisters are using these tactics as conversation starters! Think of them as the worst pickup lines ever used. What happened to common decency? What happened to manners? What happened to offering someone a fair price?
Inevitable, I get fed up with it–especially because I put in the listing “My price is firm: I will not go any lower.” It’s irritating because people don’t seem to respect that. But instead of getting angry or kicking my dog, occasionally I try to have a little fun with them. Take poor Peter for example:
I get that the economy is bad and there a lot of poor people out there. Heck, I’m one of them. But what craigslist people fail to realize is how little money they have has absolutely nothing to do with me. If you walked in to Target and wanted to buy a $200 TV but told the cashier you only had $100, she’d laugh you out the door (well, maybe not Target–they’re kinda nice there…but Walmart totally would). You don’t have enough money? Get more. It’s one thing to try to negotiate a price down, but using the “I’m broke” approach doesn’t elicit sympathy from me. That’s a You Problem–I don’t give a flying fudge.
At this point you’re probably thinking I’m just a big jerk looking for trouble. But I assure–that’s not the case. I get worn down, tired and beaten. I don’t enjoy these banal arguments because life isn’t worth the aggravation. I don’t intend to be a surly prick, but people wear me out. Sometimes I try to act decent and be a good person. But when I do, it bites me in the ass.
So he went from offering me $180 to 160. Who does that? He already said 180–why would I take $160?
At that point I was fed up. Offered and rejected. Plus, he tried low-balling me.
Many buyers want me to meet them somewhere or deliver the phone to them. I blame Amazon for this sense of entitlement. All their talk of drones and free delivery has gotten people where they’re too lazy to even shop. On many, many occasions I’ve had people ask me to come deliver the phone to them because where I live is a “far drive” (too far for you to drive to me, but close enough for me to drive to you?). One buyer wanted me to meet him at a place that was 30 miles away from me so he could take the phone to a store to have it inspected. Let’s see, an hour of my time driving, 30 minutes in the store, probably burning $10 in gas. Sure, I’ll do that for you–my time and money mean nothing to me.
What I don’t get is if some of these absurd requests get honored. I obviously didn’t drive to meet this fellow–but I wonder if he actually found someone who would. And did the buyer think he was making an offer that was fair to the seller? Come to me. Pick me up. Take me to store. Wait with me. And foreign nations say Americans are self-centered and demanding.
It’s enough to wear a fellow thin. Eventually I got tired of being angry and annoyed, so I opted to fight back against those who tried to wrong me.
Only the person getting the $200 item for $100 would think it’s a fair deal. It shows me he doesn’t have conscious. And what’s with that “buddy” business? It felt so condescending. I got tired of dealing with jerks like this, so I agreed to his offer…and gave him an address on the other side of town. When he got there, the conversation resumed.
He knew something went wrong? Where? When? Because I actually accepted his bogus offer? That’s why I don’t feel the slightest bit guilty leading him on a wild goose chase: he knew he was trying rip me off. I don’t tolerate people who willfully lie, cheat, and steal other human beings (I got no problem stealing from The Man–faceless corporations that screw over American consumers–but I refuse to take advantage of good, hardworking citizens).
Later on that day I had virtually the same exchange with another buyer via email. He offered me $100 for the $200 phone. I asked him if he thought it was a fair offer; he insisted it was…so I proceeded to give him the address of the worst neighborhood I can think of in Long Beach–deep in the heart of the ghetto. More gunshot victims per capital than anywhere else within a 20-mile radius. The kind of place cops don’t bother patrolling because they don’t like wasting their time. The kind a place where you can get a brick thrown through your windshield (which–true story–actually happened to me in that very neighborhood). You know the place–Snoop Dogg’s old neighborhood. After I sent him the address I paused for a moment. It didn’t feel right, so I added:
There–now it felt better.
Did this person actually die? I have no idea. I was expecting a text later that evening wondering where I was, but I never heard from him. Maybe he looked up the address and changed his mind. Maybe he couldn’t come that late or didn’t want to drive that far. But I like to think he was wearing the wrong colors and got gunned down for being stupid.