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FacebookI think we as a society would be much improved with the return of “Yo Mama” jokes. Harmless and non-malicious, “Yo Mama” jokes always seem to bring out the best in creativity, one-liners, and delivery. Two people can continuously insult each other…yet walk away good friends because of the innocent nature of “Yo Mama” jokes. They’re fun to say, fun to hear, and really bring people together. I think instead of hiring mediators to solve disputes, two people should simply spend 20 minutes exchanging “Yo Mamas.” Whatever conflicts they have are sure to be resolved after comparing the girth or liberated sexuality of two mothers. Guaranteed.
My distain for salads is well-known–but I’m not completely adverse to them. In fact, El Pollo Loco has a salad I quite like. It has cheese and tortilla chips in it. If more salads resembled nachos I probably wouldn’t be so opposed to greens. But they don’t, I do, and doughnuts will always remain my top choice as appetizers.
I’ve been trying to eat a tad bit healthier lately–which means more salads and less French fries. So yesterday at El Pollo Loco I order one of those crazy salads with tortilla chips. I’ve been eating my whole life–but I’ve only been eating salads for about six weeks so I still haven’t master the technique (sometimes I have trouble getting the lettuce on the fork). This salad proved to be particularly painful as one of the tortilla chips ended up stabbing me in the gums right between my teeth.
“I think I’m bleeding,” I said–four words one never wants to hear during lunch. Or at a job interview.
A couple dabs with a napkin confirmed I was indeed bleeding. Here I am–a day later–and my mouth still hurts. I feel like something out of place and the gum feels swollen in my mouth. Hopefully it’ll heal in a couple days, but right now it’s terribly bothersome.
But there’s a lot to take away from this tale. I might be the only person in the history of the human race to have been injured by a salad. It’s almost an unbelievable story…until one hears that I’m the one telling it. I think if I tried to convince any of my friends that I knew someone who injured himself eating a salad, they wouldn’t believe it. But if I told them I hurt myself eating a salad not only would they buy it, they’d also be on the floor laughing.
Attacked by salad…it’s reasons like this I maintain that vegetables are evil.