Civil behaviour in a public place–that’s just gay!

Everyone has a birthday and everyone deserves a special day on their birthday–that’s why I had no problem going all out for The Girlfriend’s birthday this year. When you meet the girl you’re going to marry you better damn well treat her like a queen…even if it means having to go see Kathy Griffin perform. I spent $70 a ticket–good money that could buy a lot of pizza and porn–and took The Girlfriend to see comic’s show. Not a lot of straight males buy Kathy Griffin tickets and I now fear I might end up on a gay watch list.

It turns out my fear was more substantial than I thought. In a crowd of a few thousand people, there were approximately three straight males. The gay quota was through the roof–including an obnoxious gay guy who sat directly in front of us. Normally I don’t have a problem with the gays–after all, I used to work at Disneyland. In fact, I’ve come to realize that I love gay dudes (there’s something about that statement that will probably worry my mother). Gay guys always seem to have an energy about them. They love life and are always jovial (maybe that’s where the term ‘gay’ originated). Some of the more enjoyable conversations I’ve had are with gay folks I met in bars (not those kinda bars).

But this guy…he really put the ‘obnoxious’ in obnoxious gay. He acted like the world was his and he didn’t give a damn about anyone else. He was at the show with two other women (big shock there). I know people go to see stand-up comedy to have fun and joke around–I’m okay with that. But this guy…it’s not like he was making noise laughing at all the jokes. He was having conversations with the women with him–conversations that had nothing to do with the show. He was shouting at them, talking about things no one around him gave a damn about–yet we all had to hear.

“Excuse me,” I said to him. “Can you keep it down a little?” He gave me a look–like I had absolutely no right to even suggest he tone his volume down. His female counterpart squeezed his arm and whispered to him to tone it down. A few minutes later he was at it again.

I wasn’t concerned so much for me, but my date: this was her birthday present and if she couldn’t hear what was going on, I was gonna be pissed. Plus, even though I didn’t find Kathy Griffin funny, she was far more entertaining than this ass.

Again, I tapped him on the shoulder. “It’s really hard to hear over your conversation. If you guys want to talk, can you do it over by the concessions stand?”

He looked back at me like he was the Queen Bitch of Rhode Island. “I bought my ticket and I paid to see the show.”

“Me too–only I paid to hear her perform: not you,” I said without a beat.

It’s amazing how much people are willing to retreat in the face of a good comeback. Here this guy was, loud and odious–basically giving a big ‘fuck you’ to everyone else at the show. And when someone confronted him about it, he had little to say. All that confidence and arrogance was gone when confronting an individual. He had complete disregard to social etiquette and was full of opinions when no one spoke to him. But when confronted by another individual, he chose to ignore it and retreat.

That’s not to say he quieted down. He still acted like the same obnoxious jerk–he just had no response to my repeated requests that he quiet down. His selfishness really pissed me off–I thought I was going to hafta commit a hate crime on his ass. After I said something to him, other people on the row chimed in and told him to shut up. But he didn’t care. This was his world and we were just living in it. He went on and on and we were at fault for objecting.

How can anyone be like that? How can they be so self-absorbed they don’t give a damn if they’re bothering people around them? It’s one thing if he didn’t realize he was being a jerk. But after hearing a few different people complain, you’d think he’d have the grace to calm down–it just seems like good, common human decency. Alcohol had something to do with his behavior. But he wasn’t that drunk and booze doesn’t excuse anyone from acting like an ass.