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FacebookI haven’t had much to be proud of lately. I work at a job that suits the financial needs of a teenager. I haven’t had a good haircut since 2008. I’m a burden on society and take more in government aid than I pay in taxes. But I can proudly proclaim I had a gas-free October. I filled up my gas tank on November 2nd. The last time I bought gas before that was September 23rd–meaning I did not buy gas for the entire month of October. Driving a highly fuel-efficient Honda played a big part in that, but I’ve had the car for almost four years and I’ve been getting 35 miles per gallon from the beginning. I was able to go six weeks in between fill-ups thanks to a perfect storm of events that left my car at home more often than not (no, it didn’t break down–it’s a Honda). Since I’m only taken one class, I only go to school once a week. October was filled with rainouts and byes, so I had only a couple softball games all month. And since work is a mere four-minute walk, it’d be wasteful to drive there. I typically go two or three weeks in-between fill-ups, but a full calendar month is a first for me.
My obituary might not be interesting, but at least it won’t be blank.
The lack of cell phone etiquette in this country has gotten completely out of hand. While I am only one, I am determined to do something about it. A common occurrence at URS is the customer who comes up to the register while talking on his phone (although women are just as susceptible as men). It’s a major annoyance to me because, well, I find it insulting–like I’m person not worth interacting with. Paying for an item is a fairly simple process that pretty much every knows how to do. Whether it be cash or credit card, consumers are accustomed enough to the process where human interaction isn’t necessary (hence the self-checkout machines sprouting up). That being said, I am a person–a real live human being. When a customer comes to me while talking on the phone with someone else I can’t help but feel ignored. This sorta rudeness is derogatory: it makes me feel like I’m inferior to the person ignoring me. I’m not treated like a person, but rather a peon–as if the consumer is royalty who doesn’t have the time to deal with me even though I have something he wants (whether it be razors, milk, or a hammer the customer came in MY store and bought something from ME–clearly he needs something I have). I find this approach to commerce quite rude and something has to be done about it.
I’ve seen many retail outlets with signs posted asking customers to not have phone conversations when making purchases. I suppose that’s a step in the right direction, but I feel we shouldn’t have to ask people to talk to the people they’re interacting with–they should just know. It’s kinda like blowing your nose on someone else’s shirt. You shouldn’t be asked to not do it because everyone can agree that it’s just plain rude.
As part of my one-man war on cell misuse, I have taken it upon myself to force the customer to talk to me as much of possible. Instead of “politely” recognizing the customer is on the phone, I make it a point of pretending I don’t notice they’re on the phone and engaging in more conversation than typically required for a transaction. My goal is twofold:
1) To show the customer that cashiers cannot be ignored and it’s inconvenient to try to have two conversations at once.
2) Disrupt their phone conversation so much they will have no choice but to end the call.
When someone approaches me while talking on the phone, I ask them every possible question I can conceivably come up with.
- “How are you doing today?“
- “Did you find everything you were looking for?“
- “Boy, it sure looks hot/cold out today!“
- “Will you be paying for this with cash or charge?” A rather outdated, irrelevant question because I’ll find out by the end of the transaction. Nevertheless, it’s something to talk about.
- “Did you see that we have gummy bears on sale?” I am vehemently opposed to up-selling, but I’m willing to compromise for people I don’t like.
- “Would you like to apply for a URS card?” Typically I just ask consumers for the card; however, by assuming they don’t have a card I can squeeze in additional follow-up questions
- “Do you have a URS card?“
- “What is your phone number?
- “What is your zip code?“
- “Christmas comes earlier and earlier every year.“
- “I see you’re a big (team name/brand/logo of their attire) fan.“
- “Paper or plastic?” …even though URS doesn’t offer paper as an option.
- “Would you like me to double bag?” Again, I’m typically opposed to double bagging, but I’ll use whatever material I can.
- “Would you like to sign up for our e-newsletter?” I’m not sure if we even have one.
I’m quite impressed with my ability to BS and force conversation upon someone. Typically my transactions with phone-talkers are significantly longer than non-phone talkers. I do my best to keep them from proceeding with their lives because they can’t put the phone down for 30 seconds to a transaction.
The créme-de-la-créme (did I spell that right?) happened a few weeks back. I was berating an extremely annoying, self-absorbed a-hole wearing an expensive-looking suit with a BMW charm on his key chain. I kept going on and on with a series of questions that were “essential” to the transaction. At one point, he turned his back to me, hoping that would shut me up. But I’m the stubborn sort and that’s the type of thing that motivates me further. I think the question the set him off was “I see you’re buying aspirin. Do you know we also have an excellent supply of full first aid kits?”
He turned to me in a muffle voice that tried to suppress his rage. “Will you shut the frick1 up? Can’t you see I’m on the goshdarn2 phone? Do you have any idea how rude you are being?”
“Gee, you don’t hafta yell at me–I was only doing my job.”
He left in a huff, probably unaware of the lesson that was taught to him. He may or may not have been aware of his boorish conduct, but he certainly was pissed off. And that’s the sorta thing that helps me sleep well at night.
1 “frick” not said
2 “goshdarn” not said