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As a child of the 80s, I grew up worshiping Star Wars. Obsessions with lightsabers, Wookies, and the ability to choke someone with your mind were quite common for boys of my age (for some reason, girls didn’t like Star Wars: maybe My Little Pony was really good back then). I’m probably the perfect Star Wars age. My brothers don’t share the same obsession I do, so it’s definitely a generational thing. After all, when we were talking about a getting a cat I was the only one who wanted to name him Chewbacca.
When I was a kid, Star Wars was everywhere. Besides the obvious action figures, I had lunchboxes, coloring books, audio books (in record form), Shrink-A-Doodles, Underoos, Lite-Brite–you name it, George Lucas found a way to market it with a Star Wars twist. I grew up wishing to be a Jedi and to strike my father down with a lightsaber. I played Star Wars. I slept in Star Wars sheets. I dreamt Star Wars. I even liked Princess Leia.
One year for Christmas someone gave us the Star Wars movies (in VHS form). From that point forward, I watched the trilogy at least once a month. The . . . . .
When life gets too busy or I have nothing to complain about, I just reach back and find something I wrote earlier but never posted (usually because it was uninteresting or poorly written…or maybe even both). This is one of those stories.
I watched “District 9” last night. I didn’t see it in the theater because I knew the movie was shot on handheld cameras and I figured there was a really good chance of me getting sick (at least at home, I can turn it off when I get queasy). I’ve been thinking about the movie since I saw it, so that must mean I thought it was pretty good. What I find most remarkable about the movie is that the movie was made for a meager $30 million (how jaded we’ve become where $30M is considered meager; in 1975, “Jaws” cost an outlandish $7M to make). “District 9” was a phenomenal-looking move. The special effects were outstanding–and a completely crucial part of the film. The majority of shots in the movie contained CGI effects–complicated ones at that. The alien creatures looked real and life like. In fact, I wasn’t even sure they were CG until I looked it . . . . .
The most unrealistic thing about “2012” is that the producers expected us to believe a black man could be voted president in the United States.
Damn. That joke woulda been a lot funnier two years ago.
I think I might be a softball snob. I’ve been playing the game for so long, I have so many expectations and ideals that few people can live up to. I don’t want to go around thinking I’m better than anyone else. I don’t enjoy feeling like something is below me or inferior. But when I see a softball that doesn’t live up to my standards I’m horrified.
During the summer we brought a new guy out to our Thursday night softball team. He had an ad on Craigslist and I figured, why not? Dude said he had experience and could play an “ugly shortstop” if we desperately needed. He sounded like a great fit for our team because he seemed like a good guy and we have always valued character over talent on our team.
But when he came out to the game, it was painfully obvious he was not a good player. His mechanics were terrible, he made bad decisions on the . . . . .
The other day I walked passed a booth of volunteers trying to get people to register to vote. A chik jumped in front of me and asked with her biggest smile, “Are you registered to vote?”
“Of course I am,” I said politely. While I saw no need to be rude, this was a conversation I really didn’t want to participate in. With finals to worry about, 90 percent of my brainpower was focused on something else and I didn’t even realize I was talking to her.
“That’s wonderful,” she replied. “Would you like to volunteer your time?”
And without realizing what I was doing, I blurted out a laugh. I feel a little bad because I respect what she was doing…but volunteer work is just something I don’t believe in. Kinda like charity and the Easter Bunny.
The “Terminator” movie recently came out. I have little interest in seeing it in the theaters because of my “no sequel” policy. The Wife, on the other hand, is dying to see it. Even though she’s never seen a Terminator movie before, she’s driven to view this incarnation because she finds Christian Bale dreamy. Seems like faulty logic to me. I think . . . . .
Recently I walked out of a Jon Cena movie…but not for the reasons you’d think. It only took about five minutes of the “12 Rounds” to make me sick (also not for reasons you’d think). The movie is part of a growing phenomenon in cinematography that I think is ruining movies. I can live with WWE superstars make movies; I can’t stand movies shot on hand cameras.
I don’t understand why more and more movies are shot this way. Instead of using a perfectly balance tripod, a great deal of movies today are shot by handheld cameras. I think directors do it to create a ‘gritty’ feel that puts the audience into the action (in reality, it puts me in the bathroom). This is a style that I’m not comfortable with. The quick pans and extreme close-ups make me queasier than an overeater at an all-you-can-eat buffet of week-old fish. I can’t stand it. Quick zoom. Quick cut. Extreme close-up. Pan left. Pan right. Hurl in the aisle–I’m telling you, it ain’t for me.
I’m not sure I get the appeal of it. Admittedly, I didn’t grow up watching music videos and I’m not a fan of rapid cuts–but I . . . . .
I am perhaps the least celebrity-obsessed person in this country. I don’t visit TMZ or watch “Entertainment Tonight.” I think “US Weekly” is the worst magazine ever created. I don’t know who Jennifer Anniston is dating and couldn’t care less if Brangelina’s kids got eaten by a mountain lion.
I’m not saying this because I work at in television and come across third-rate celebrities on a weekly basis–it’s because I think being famous doesn’t make you any more interesting than everyone else. George Clooney is a movie star: his talent is to speak words written for him by someone else. The only difference between me and him is gorgeous looks and a bazillion dollars (it’s like we’re separated at birth). I don’t need to know his view on politics, whom he’s dating, or what he looks like without makeup. Celebrities are just people and no more fascinating than my next door neighbor whose name I don’t know. I don’t care what’s going on in my neighbor’s life–same goes true for George Clooney.
That’s why I’ll never be one to go gaga when seeing a celebrity. I really don’t care what they did to become famous. To me, a celebrity is . . . . .
It’s ‘nog season! Eggnog-flavored ice cream. Eggnog-flavored shakes. Eggnog-flavored cookies. Eggnog-flavored…uh, milk. I love it! After the presents, paid holidays, food, football, time spent with loved ones, football, and Christmas lights, eggnog is my favorite part of the holiday season. Why is ‘nog limited to only four weeks of the year? I could very easily drink eggnog everyday of the week, year-round. So sweet. So thick. Mmmnn…need more eggnog. Why must the world deprive us of this wonderful flavor 11 months of the year? It’s just not fair.
After watching “Crystal Skull” this week and realizing I was too hard on it the first time around, it got me wondering if there have been other misevaluated movies I’ve seen. I couldn’t tell you the last time I walked out of a movie theater thinking “wow.” It might’ve been “Thank You For Smoking” but it’s been so long, who knows?
Up until my early-mid-20s, I liked pretty much everything I saw in theaters (I somehow remember enjoying “Red Planet” for cripes’ sake). I never thought of myself as an artsy guy. I don’t look for symbolism or meaning in movies–I like popcorn flicks…even though I never buy popcorn. The point is, . . . . .
Now there’s gonna be a new “Ghostbusters”?!?!?!? When will this stop? Just once–once!–I’d like to see the studios come up with a fresh idea for a movie. But that would require a time machine and a trip back to 1955. Hey, that’s an idea–why not a “Back To the Future” sequel?
Or should I say ‘reboot?’
That’s the latest buzzword in Hollywood. Studios are no longer making sequels–they’re ‘rebooting’ franchises. After the critical and commercial success of “Casino Royale” and “Batman Begins,” Hollywood is looking to reboot any franchise that had a successful run. Marvel felt compelled to reboot the Hulk a mere three years after the first one was considered a bust (proof that there’s justice in the world: the 2008 edition made just as much money as the 2005 version).
Hollywood thinks moviegoers are suckers. The suits believe if they attach the world ‘reboot’ to a franchise, they’ll get people to flock to a tired franchise no one cares about. But it takes more than calling a film a reboot to make a franchise relevant again. The reason “Batman Begins” was successful was because it was a good movie. I say this being a well-known Batman basher (I . . . . .
The Girlfriend informed me there’s a . . . . .
I was driving past a Jiffy Lube a saw a banner that caught my eye: Gift Cards Available. Who’d give someone a Jiffy Lube gift card as a present? I know gift cards are big-time money makers, but isn’t that grasping at straws. Imagine waking up, the morning of your one-year wedding anniversary and find your beau bought you a Jiffy Lube gift card. What better way to say ‘I love you’ than a complementary oil change. How many birthday boys out there are secretly hoping to get a gift card to Jiffy Lube? I can’t think of a single possible scenario where a Jiffy Lube gift card is considered an acceptable gift. I would love to meet the genius who thought that was a good idea.
I hate sequels. That’s it–I’m done with them. I don’t care if there is another “Back to the Future,” “Indiana Jones,” “Die Hard,” or even “Simpsons Movie.” I’m done. After “Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” I have decided to stop being part of the problem and start being part of the solution.
Hollywood churns out sequels because the movie has a built-in audience. There are a large number of people bound to see . . . . .
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