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Why is Jessica Alba considered a star? What has she ever done? She was on a short-lived television show about a decade ago. She was in the “Fantastic Four”–but it’s not like that increased her star power. And that’s about the only two things I think she’s ever done. I guess there’s no limits to how far a pretty face can take you.
Once again, I am completely out of the loop. Yahoo! released its annual list of top ten searches for 2008. These are the words and terms people most frequently type in the Yahoo! search engine. Of the ten, I can tell you that I have search for exactly zero of them. Not just in 2008–but my entire lifetime. I have never Yahooed Britney Spears (nor could I pick her out of a lineup of six other blonde girls). I never wanted to know anything about Angelina Jolie. I don’t think I’ve ever read an article about Lindsay Lohan. But it gets worse. Not only am I so anti-mainstream to never have searched for any of the ten terms, I never even heard of two of them. Who is Naruto and what the heck is a RuneScape?
I . . . . .
It’s ‘nog season! Eggnog-flavored ice cream. Eggnog-flavored shakes. Eggnog-flavored cookies. Eggnog-flavored…uh, milk. I love it! After the presents, paid holidays, food, football, time spent with loved ones, football, and Christmas lights, eggnog is my favorite part of the holiday season. Why is ‘nog limited to only four weeks of the year? I could very easily drink eggnog everyday of the week, year-round. So sweet. So thick. Mmmnn…need more eggnog. Why must the world deprive us of this wonderful flavor 11 months of the year? It’s just not fair.
After watching “Crystal Skull” this week and realizing I was too hard on it the first time around, it got me wondering if there have been other misevaluated movies I’ve seen. I couldn’t tell you the last time I walked out of a movie theater thinking “wow.” It might’ve been “Thank You For Smoking” but it’s been so long, who knows?
Up until my early-mid-20s, I liked pretty much everything I saw in theaters (I somehow remember enjoying “Red Planet” for cripes’ sake). I never thought of myself as an artsy guy. I don’t look for symbolism or meaning in movies–I like popcorn flicks…even though I never buy popcorn. The point is, . . . . .
There’s a proposition on the California ballot this fall to change the state constitution and ban same-sex marriages. It’s very much a hot button ticket. I even seem to recall reading that this issue has raised more money than any other proposition in the country–quite an interesting feat considering neither side has anything to gain or lose financially. But it’s all so misguided.
A neighbor of mine–right across the street–has a sign in her house that reads “Prop 8 = Less Government. Yes on 8.” How is changing the state constitution considered less government? If anything, changing the constitution and making new laws is MORE government.
The “Yes” people are playing games with the advertising–saying we have to vote yes to save the children. Commercials say that if gay marriages aren’t banned, educators will be forced to teach kids about same-sex marriages in schools. I know it’s been a while since I went to school, but I don’t recall “what is marriage” subject in grade school. I remember history, math, and spelling–but no “a man must marry a woman” classes. The ad is manipulative and lying: it preys off people’s fears (because you have to save the children) simply so . . . . .
Now there’s gonna be a new “Ghostbusters”?!?!?!? When will this stop? Just once–once!–I’d like to see the studios come up with a fresh idea for a movie. But that would require a time machine and a trip back to 1955. Hey, that’s an idea–why not a “Back To the Future” sequel?
Or should I say ‘reboot?’
That’s the latest buzzword in Hollywood. Studios are no longer making sequels–they’re ‘rebooting’ franchises. After the critical and commercial success of “Casino Royale” and “Batman Begins,” Hollywood is looking to reboot any franchise that had a successful run. Marvel felt compelled to reboot the Hulk a mere three years after the first one was considered a bust (proof that there’s justice in the world: the 2008 edition made just as much money as the 2005 version).
Hollywood thinks moviegoers are suckers. The suits believe if they attach the world ‘reboot’ to a franchise, they’ll get people to flock to a tired franchise no one cares about. But it takes more than calling a film a reboot to make a franchise relevant again. The reason “Batman Begins” was successful was because it was a good movie. I say this being a well-known Batman basher (I . . . . .
A coworker was telling me about his experience meeting Fergie (who–thanks to The Girlfriend–I recently learned is a musician and not an English aristocrat). He talked about her bodyguards, fancy cars, and massive, obviously expensive jewelry. “That girl is rolling in cash,” he said.
I’m tired of making other people rich. Actors, singers, sports stars, CEOs–all of them are getting rich on our dime. Every movie we see and every CD we buy makes the rich richer. We don’t think about it when we go shopping–we just buy stuff because as Americans we love buying stuff. But the entertainers we make rich are already loaded. They have more money than they could every possibly spend (well, except MC Hammer). Imagine what it’s like being Fergie. She doesn’t hafta worry about $4-a-gallon gas. She doesn’t complain about rising food costs or worry about whether or not her boss will give her a raise. That girl is rolling in cash.
Must be nice.
Meanwhile the rest of us–people who live in the real world–struggle to make ends meet. I don’t wanna get all communist here, but it’s a load of garbage. At some point is there ever enough? No one needs that . . . . .
I finally got around to seeing “The Dark Knight” this weekend and I noticed there was quite a lot of the dialogue I didn’t pick up. My initial fear is that I spent way too much time with headphones plugged into my ears and was now paying the price with a hearing loss (but I only listen to talk radio podcasts with the volume extremely low!). Immediately after the movie, The Girlfriend said how much she loved the movie. “The only thing I didn’t like was the score: it was too loud and it drummed out a lot of the dialogue.”
Thank goodness! I didn’t wanna say nothing at first because it would like admitting I’m starting to go deaf. But when she confirmed the same problem I had, it meant either we were losing our hearing or there was something seriously off with the audio ratios of the movie. Either way, I’m happy. If I’m gonna go deaf with someone, it might as well be the person I’m going to marry.
I was at the Wal-Mart recently when I heard a six-year old kid say to his mom “Can we buy it? It’s only $300.”
What kinda world is . . . . .
The Girlfriend informed me there’s a . . . . .
I recently had to renew my car insurance–that means it’s time for my semi-annual insurance complaint (just because I stopped complaining doesn’t mean it’s no longer true). My dues went up (again). I spent $400 on car insurance in 2007 with nothing to show for it. I spent another $220 for the first six months of ’08. Now it’s up to something like $250. What a total waste of money: the day I get a dime out of car insurance is that a teen starlet does not flash her privates on the internet. At least one of the two gives me pleasure.
George Carlin died last week and I can’t help but feel a little sad. I’m not sure why–I’m not the type to get caught up in celebrities’ deaths. I guess there was just something to George Carlin: besides being a funny comic, he just seemed like a real likeable guy.
There is a tremendous amount of media coverage of his death–many other celebrities are saddened by his death. I’ve read Carlin tributes from Matthew Berry and Kevin Smith–just a wide spectrum of different folks in different strokes of the entertainment business. There’s one common thread I’ve notice amongst . . . . .
Everyone has a birthday and everyone deserves a special day on their birthday–that’s why I had no problem going all out for The Girlfriend’s birthday this year. When you meet the girl you’re going to marry you better damn well treat her like a queen…even if it means having to go see Kathy Griffin perform. I spent $70 a ticket–good money that could buy a lot of pizza and porn–and took The Girlfriend to see comic’s show. Not a lot of straight males buy Kathy Griffin tickets and I now fear I might end up on a gay watch list.
It turns out my fear was more substantial than I thought. In a crowd of a few thousand people, there were approximately three straight males. The gay quota was through the roof–including an obnoxious gay guy who sat directly in front of us. Normally I don’t have a problem with the gays–after all, I used to work at Disneyland. In fact, I’ve come to realize that I love gay dudes (there’s something about that statement that will probably worry my mother). Gay guys always seem to have an energy about them. They love life and are always jovial (maybe that’s . . . . .
I was driving past a Jiffy Lube a saw a banner that caught my eye: Gift Cards Available. Who’d give someone a Jiffy Lube gift card as a present? I know gift cards are big-time money makers, but isn’t that grasping at straws. Imagine waking up, the morning of your one-year wedding anniversary and find your beau bought you a Jiffy Lube gift card. What better way to say ‘I love you’ than a complementary oil change. How many birthday boys out there are secretly hoping to get a gift card to Jiffy Lube? I can’t think of a single possible scenario where a Jiffy Lube gift card is considered an acceptable gift. I would love to meet the genius who thought that was a good idea.
I hate sequels. That’s it–I’m done with them. I don’t care if there is another “Back to the Future,” “Indiana Jones,” “Die Hard,” or even “Simpsons Movie.” I’m done. After “Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” I have decided to stop being part of the problem and start being part of the solution.
Hollywood churns out sequels because the movie has a built-in audience. There are a large number of people bound to see . . . . .
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