Tweets « Siknerd: Home of the iRANT | funny stories, random thoughts, and many, many complaints

The commercial success of Mother’s Day is due to high number of adults who feel guilty for being terrible children.

The commercial success of Mother’s Day is due to high number of adults who feel guilty for being terrible children.

…Slavery had nothing to do with it. The South was upset the North tried to ban its plastic bags. #FakeCivilWarFacts

…Slavery had nothing to do with it. The South was upset the North tried to ban its plastic bags.

#FakeCivilWarFacts

The wife told me I’m a good husband & a great father. That’s high praise from someone who insists I’m a terrible person.

The wife told me I’m a good husband & a great father. That’s high praise from someone who insists I’m a terrible person.

…my neighbor would stop complaining when I poop on his lawn. #IfIWereADog

…my neighbor would stop complaining when I poop on his lawn.

#IfIWereADog

#DarthVadersOtherSecrets: Luke and Leia aren’t his only kids.

#DarthVadersOtherSecrets: Luke and Leia aren’t his only kids.

#DarthVadersOtherSecrets: He’s able to lift objects using his mind but can’t remember to lift the toilet seat up when he has to pee.

#DarthVadersOtherSecrets: He’s able to lift objects using his mind but can’t remember to lift the toilet seat up when he has to pee.

#IllAlwaysRegret: The date I got married…wait–did you say “regret” or “forget?”

#IllAlwaysRegret: The date I got married…wait–did you say “regret” or “forget?”

#ISawMommy_SantaClaus: “…wondering if she had too much to drink because it’s May and she thought she saw….”

#ISawMommy_SantaClaus: “…wondering if she had too much to drink because it’s May and she thought she saw….”

Why does all leftover Chinese food, no matter what it is (beef/pork/noodle/etc), always smells exactly the same–like leftover Chinese food?

Why does all leftover Chinese food, no matter what it is (beef/pork/noodle/etc), always smells exactly the same–like leftover Chinese food?

#HintsYoureInHell: The cassette deck of your ’85 Pontiac has a Sinéad O’Connor tape stuck on a loop. Oh, that and you have an ’85 Pontiac.

#HintsYoureInHell: The cassette deck of your ’85 Pontiac has a Sinéad O’Connor tape stuck on a loop. Oh, that and you have an ’85 Pontiac.