Tweets « Siknerd: Home of the iRANT | funny stories, random thoughts, and many, many complaints

#HowIBondWithMyPet: We both poop on the lawns of people we don’t like.

#HowIBondWithMyPet: We both poop on the lawns of people we don’t like.

#UnnecessaryConfessions: I always count the change because I don’t trust cashiers who can’t get a job that pays better than minimum wage.

#UnnecessaryConfessions: I always count the change because I don’t trust cashiers who can’t get a job that pays better than minimum wage.

#FakeWireTappingFacts: Alexander Graham Bell was hired by the NSA to invent the telephone so the government had a way to spy on people.

#FakeWireTappingFacts: Alexander Graham Bell was hired by the NSA to invent the telephone so the government had a way to spy on people.

Eating candy found on the floor is generally a bad idea–unless it’s a Skittle: then it’s totally worth the risk.

Eating candy found on the floor is generally a bad idea–unless it’s a Skittle: then it’s totally worth the risk.

One of upsides of global warming? I won’t be the only one not wearing pants.

One of upsides of global warming? I won’t be the only one not wearing pants.

#IfICouldMakeTimeStandStill…I would do it when people are sneezing so I could see how funny they look.

#IfICouldMakeTimeStandStill…I would do it when people are sneezing so I could see how funny they look.

…I dunno–but I’m sure Larry H. Parker will figure something out. #MyRetirementPlanIs

…I dunno–but I’m sure Larry H. Parker will figure something out.

#MyRetirementPlanIs

Very few establishments have a place where I can park my horse. #WhatIveLearnedLivingInTheCity

Very few establishments have a place where I can park my horse.

#WhatIveLearnedLivingInTheCity

For someone who likes to tell people what to do my wife is terrible at giving directions.

For someone who likes to tell people what to do my wife is terrible at giving directions.

I suppose this means I should eat Chinese food for dinner. Is all Chinese food is made of pandas or just Panda Express? #NationalPandaDay

I suppose this means I should eat Chinese food for dinner. Is all Chinese food is made of pandas or just Panda Express?

#NationalPandaDay