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I wish someone would invent Pepsi-flavored mouthwa…

I wish someone would invent Pepsi-flavored mouthwash, so after I brush & rinse I can drink a Pepsi without it tasting funny.

I saw a sign at the park that said “No Dogs Allowed”. It seems like a very ineffective sign since dogs don’t know how to read.

There are few things in life more awkward than two guys sharing a urinal.

A trip to the water park confirms what I have long-suspected: many people have a lot of bad tattoos.

Reason to Have Kids #724: no longer having to bend over to pick up stuff. Kids are closer to the ground–have them get it.

Superman is a selfless & loyal farm boy. Batman is a dark & emotionally closed off playboy. Women want a Superman but end up with a Batman.

The Wife wants to start potty training, which is good because I’m tired of changing her diapers.

I don’t feel like exercising because I just ate two bowls of pasta, so I’ll watch YouTube videos of people working out instead.

When I promised to pick my parents up from the airport I never said anything about taking them home: I took ’em to another airport instead.