Twitter Quip

    Divorced dads are so lucky: they have to be a parent only two weekends a month.

    Divorced dads are so lucky: they have to be a parent only two weekends a month.

    My daughter has a 102 degree fever. I’m worried my wife won’t make it through the night.

    My daughter has a 102 degree fever. I’m worried my wife won’t make it through the night.

    MoviePass won’t let people see “Crazy Rich Asians.” That’s racist.

    MoviePass won’t let people see “Crazy Rich Asians.” That’s racist.

    The longer in stay married the more I sympathize with men who walkout on their families.

    The longer in stay married the more I sympathize with men who walkout on their families.

    I invented binge watching back in 2003 during Season 3 of “24.” I videotaped every episode, and after the season was over I watched them over the course of two nights. Much like Jack Bauer I was exhausted when it was over.

    I invented binge watching back in 2003 during Season 3 of “24.” I videotaped every episode, and after the season was over I watched them over the course of two nights. Much like Jack Bauer I was exhausted when it was over.

    Moviepass was great for my marriage. I liked to go out to the movies, and my wife liked it when I went out to the movies.

    Moviepass was great for my marriage. I liked to go out to the movies, and my wife liked it when I went out to the movies.

    I’m a much better driver at night when there’s less things to hit.

    I’m a much better driver at night when there’s less things to hit.

    I hurt myself while sitting. Not getting up. Not sitting down. While sitting.

    I hurt myself while sitting. Not getting up. Not sitting down. While sitting.

    My girlfriend thinks I’d be an excellent husband; my wife completely disagrees.

    My girlfriend thinks I’d be an excellent husband; my wife completely disagrees.

    #BadPregnancyReactions: I’ll get a coat hanger.

    #BadPregnancyReactions: I’ll get a coat hanger.