Twitter Quip

    Outstanding debts and avoiding death (the HMO edition)

    My dear friend Red Jesus owes me a rather sizable sum of money and when I bought pizza tonight, it bumped up the tab ten bucks. “That’s $83 you owe me now,” I reminded him.

    Being the kind of person who doesn’t like having debt hanging over his head, Red Jesus reached for his wallet. He didn’t have the $83 on him–but he had some cash and wanted to make a dent in his outstanding debt. “Here ya go,” he said and handed me some cash.

    “Three bucks?” I said to him.

    “You’ll get your money,” he said, tying to justify the smallest good-faith payment the world has ever seen. With deadbeats like that, who needs enemies?

    Let’s dive into a quickie about the health care industry. Since Dr. Zaius and Sacred Heart Hospital tried killing me (which is another story I’d like to tell–but we’ll save that for different day), I wanna see a different doctor regarding my deviated septum. I don’t know why it took me two months to contact the insurance (maybe it’s because deep-down, I knew it’d be a pain in the ass). I called the insurance and explained my situation. Dr. Zaius said I had . . . . .

     

    Aging gracefully with broken teeth

    Don’t try to eat Cap’n Crunch when your teeth hurt: you’re better off chewing on tin foil.

    While those who are close to me dispute it, I think I definitely look younger than I am. I will admit that I’m having difficulty accepting the fact I’m older and my current age (I still haven’t verbalized it yet), it doesn’t change the fact many people think I’m younger than I am.

    We hired a new receptionist about two months ago and just recently I’ve started talking to her. See, everyone wants to be in the television business. We hire a lot of folks who are looking to become stars. They take crappy jobs (like receptionist) in hopes of it getting their foot in the door. Usually after being with us for a month, they realize there is no door and they’re working a crappy job at a tiny television station. The way I see it: why waste my time getting to know someone when there’s a good chance they’re gonna quit in a month anyway?

    But since the receptionist has been with us for longer than a month, I decided to start talking to her. We have a bit of a . . . . .

     

    Stupid, crappy “Shepherd”

    I was having such a good run–probably close to a year–and now it’s gone. Down the drain. Just like that! A perfectly good streak snapped because I didn’t follow my judgment. Damn you Red Jesus!

    I couldn’t tell you the last time I saw a really crappy movie (prior to “The Good Shepherd”) because I’ve been very selective of what I’ve seen over the past year or so. By only seeing movies I only wanna really wanna see, I haven’t had to see any garbage. A whole year of being entertained by movies gone–just like that (despite its flaws, I still found “Superman Returns” to be watchable). I gambled and I lost. I saw a movie that I thought was probably gonna be bad and I was right.

    Unfortunately “The Good Sheppard” sucked even more than I thought imaginable. Matt Damon did nothing but walk around with a hat and trench coat for two hours. My goodness it was boring–so dull it kept me from sleeping because I couldn’t stop thinking about how dull it was. Man, what a stupid boring pointless movie–and of course Red Jesus liked it.

    Is there something wrong with me because I think . . . . .