Twitter Quip

    Truth, justice, and the American lie

    I read an article online that said the earth has four billion phone lines and one billion computers. That ratio doesn’t seem right. Four to one? I have one phone line and about a dozen computers–I must be throwing the scale off.

    This story is a little old, but it took me a while to gather all the facts before I attempted my spin on it (whaddya know: I can do research). A while back, the LA Times reported that an LA judge named Alex Kozinski had a pornographic website. I’m giving you the gist of the story because there’s no need for me to reiterate the whole LA Times piece. The highlights include “a video described as a half-dressed man cavorting with a sexually aroused farm animal” and “the judge acknowledged maintaining his own publicly accessible website featuring sexually explicit photos and videos.”

    Once the story ended up on wire services, it took off. Why wouldn’t it? It was sleazy and involved a prominent judge…who just so happened to be presiding over a trial about porn. This story was as juicy as they come. For almost a week, Judge Kozinski got ripped in national media. He was considered a . . . . .

     

    Uninformed muses on rising gas prices (it can’t be good)

    We’ve reached the point where even I’m complaining about the price of gas. The national average is supposedly a tad bit above $4 a gallon; the Orange County price is about $4.60. I needed half a tank and it still cost me a little under 30 bucks. This is ridiculous–and it’s not going to change anytime soon. Consumers would like gas come down at least 30 percent–but we’re not going to see it. We’re more likely to pay $5 a gallon gas by the end of the summer than we will be to see sub-$4 prices ever again.

    I’m not economist; just a guy who makes a lot of assumptions with very little research. But I know this much: gas prices that high can’t be good for the economy. If it cost more to ship everything everywhere, it’ll drive up the price of products. So in addition to having less cash because it cost more to fill up our cars, Americans will also hafta spend more money on pretty much everything they buy. Groceries are gonna cost more. Online shoppers will have to pay higher shipping costs. Even pizzerias are going to hafta start charging for delivery. Everything is going . . . . .

     

    I’m not pure evil (or even dillholes go to Heaven)

    I’ve been having problems with my T-days lately. It seems like whenever I speak, I say ‘Thursday’ when I mean Tuesday and ‘Tuesday’ when I mean Thursday. That’s not to say I get the days of the week confused. If I’m talking about an event or appointment, I always have the day correct in the aspect of before or after Wednesday–I just use the wrong moniker. I’m not sure what caused this breakdown of basic preschool skills, but it’s getting pretty bad. At this point, folks are better off assuming I’m incorrect instead of believing what I say. I consistently refer to Thursday softball team as the ‘Tuesday squad.’ Weekly Tuesday appointments are always described as a Thursday event. I gotta find away to fix this. I know I get hit in the head a lot, but this mix up has to stop before somebody gets really confused.

    Like me.

    As mentioned before, I’m a big believer in doing the little things to make someone else’s day (just as long as they don’t inconvenience me). Thursday was a good day for me. Not only did I do a good deed, I got reward for it. That whole ‘pay-it-forward’ concept.

    I . . . . .

     

    Insignificant Corporate Created Holiday observations

    I saw someone using a pay phone last week. That was an odd sight–I didn’t even know pay phones existed anymore. Who needs them–doesn’t everyone have a cell phone nowadays (I have two)?

    The thing is, pay phones are actually everywhere–I noticed this after I started thinking about pay phones. They’re still out there. With everyone having cells, pay phones can’t be making any money–I wonder if there’s some sorta government subsidiary to keep ’em around (like a safety issue or sumhin’). Even in a great location, how does a pay phone average more than a call a day? At 25 cents a call, that’s only like 28 bucks a month. It might be more than I make, but certainly not an endeavored worth investing in.

    Unlike most guys in the country, I’m not dreading February 14th. I don’t hafta deal with teddy bears and heart-shaped chocolates because The Girlfriend doesn’t believe in Valentine’s Day. The Girlfriend realizes that I treat her like a goddess year round and there’s no need to do anything special mid-February because Hallmark says so.

    I am a long-time VD-hater–and not just because my horrific adventures in singlehood. I believe Valentine’s Day is an insignificant, . . . . .