Twitter Quip

    I just fixed an iPhone: I’ve never been more disgu…

    I just fixed an iPhone: I’ve never been more disgusted with myself than I am right now. #IHateApple

    Although my spouse may disagree, I feel that I am…

    Although my spouse may disagree, I feel that I am too young to be entering the eyebrow plucking phase of my life.

    The Wife has been sick for past 2 weeks. She’s nee…

    The Wife has been sick for past 2 weeks. She’s needs to get better or die. At this point I really don’t care which–I just want some closure

    A day like today can best be described by combinin…

    A day like today can best be described by combining “Lethal Weapon” and “The Day After Tommorrow” ——- I’m too (c)old for this shit…

    Weight loss is a mistake for fat comedians. Being…

    Weight loss is a mistake for fat comedians. Being obscene & angry just doesn’t seem acceptable from a guy who has no reason to hate life.

    I’m proud to continue my tradition of not seeing…

    I’m proud to continue my tradition of not seeing a single film nominated for Best Picture.

    I refilled the same cup at three different Jack-In…

    I refilled the same cup at three different Jack-In-The-Boxes in two different states. The cola always tastes better when it’s stolen.

    My 2013 New Year’s Resolution (and this time I mea…

    My 2013 New Year’s Resolution (and this time I mean it): This is the year I finally get fat enough to go on disability.

    I hope to gain weight this year. Everyone tries to…

    I hope to gain weight this year. Everyone tries to lose weight but rarely succeed. The way I see it, I should try for something obtainable.

    2013

    .wrapper { width:95%; border:1px; background:; padding:1px;

    } .mon { width:8%; float:left; text-align:center; background:#f4f4f4; border:3px #black solid; margin:1px; padding-top: 4px; padding-bottom: 4px; } .spacer{ clear:both; margin:0; padding:0; line-height:0px; } Jan Feb Mar Apr May Jun Jul Aug Sep Oct Nov Dec

    January   I hope to gain weight this year. Everyone tries to lose weight but rarely succeed. The way I see it, I should try for something obtainable.       January 1, 2013  My 2013 New Year’s Resolution (and this time I mean it): This is the year I finally get fat enough to go on disability.       January 1, 2013  I refilled the same cup at three different Jack-In-The-Boxes in two different states. The cola always tastes better when it’s stolen.       January 6, 2013  I’m proud to continue my tradition of not seeing a single film nominated for Best Picture.       January 10, 2013  Weight loss is a mistake for fat comedians. Being obscene & angry just doesn’t seem acceptable from a guy who has no reason to hate life.       January 12, 2013  A day like today can best be described by combining “Lethal Weapon” and “The Day After Tommorrow” ——- I’m too (c)old for this shit…       January 16, 2013  The Wife has been sick for past . . . . .