Twitter Quip

    I’m assuming “Taken 3” is about Liam Neeson’s rele…

    I’m assuming “Taken 3” is about Liam Neeson’s relentless pursuit of the pickpocket who swiped his wallet.

    The number of times I’ve used a Starbucks bathroom…

    The number of times I’ve used a Starbucks bathroom greatly outnumbers the number of times I’ve used a Starbucks barista.

    Why does my fake Twitter account have more followe…

    Why does my fake Twitter account have more followers than my real one? Perhaps I’m not interesting in real life…

    At what point in marriage is cash a suitable Chris…

    At what point in marriage is cash a suitable Christmas present?

    Insincere Movie Description: -The Terminator- A qu…

    Insincere Movie Description: -The Terminator- A quiet time traveler goes to the past to prevent a mischievous boy from changing the future.

    Just once I’d like to go some place where loiterin…

    Just once I’d like to go some place where loitering is allowed by law.

    I don’t know who is to blame or why, but there has…

    I don’t know who is to blame or why, but there has been a tremendous lack of douhnuts at my school this year.

    I don’t understand why people pay for bath towels…

    I don’t understand why people pay for bath towels when you get a set free every time you check into a hotel.

    Colgate had a ‘Buy 1 Get 1 Free’ special for tooth…

    Colgate had a ‘Buy 1 Get 1 Free’ special for toothbrushes, which I thought was a little unnecessary because I only have one set of teeth.

    Having a baby makes me wish I was single: they rea…

    Having a baby makes me wish I was single: they really are chick magnets.