This year’s resolution? I’m going to fall deeper in debt.
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Dear 99 Cents Only Store; You’re not going to sell those 2014 calendars. It’s time to accept the loss and throw them away. Apparently calling the only black guy in the new Star Wars movie “Lando’s son” is racist. I’m hoping my daughter looks like me, so boys won’t be interested in her. Bad Reason To Call A Fireman: the stripper called in sick for your bachelorette party & you need to find a replacement. Move Credit I’d Like To See: “And Tommy Lee Jones as Santa Claus” Either this stain won’t come out or I keep dripping hot sauce on the same spot of my burrito-eating shirt. Cars run on gasoline. Trucks run on diesel. I run on doughnuts. I like how slim my wallet feels when I has no money in it–I should be broke more often. Is the Grand Canyon really something everyone needs to see in their lifetime…or is it just a big hole in the ground? |
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