My life has gotten so dull that when I go to sleep my dreams consist of running errands.
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I thought organic meant the food was made from real animal organs. I had no idea life would turn out this bad. Is it possible to sue a fortune cookie for false advertising? Someone stole my doormat. What kind of sick sonavabitch steals a doormat? At school I fell off the desk I had been standing on. I used it as a teachable moment to remind my students they are not to stand on desks. As a child I was very mature for my age: I reached my Terrible Twos at 14 months. I don’t understand the purpose of perfume. I have never not wanted to have sex with a woman because she didn’t smell pretty. My child has developed the very unpleasant ability to remove her own diaper. Looks like I will not be getting back my security deposit. Is it just me or does it seem like there’s a Thursday night football game every week? What’s the etiquette when peeing at a stall in a public restroom? Do you HAVE to close the door? It’s not like urinals don’t have doors… |
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