Twitter Quip

    My dad always use to say “I want you to grow up bi…

    My dad always use to say “I want you to grow up bigger & smarter than me.” When I turned 10 he got his wish.

    Where do pornographic actors hide their lapel mics…

    Where do pornographic actors hide their lapel mics?

    Bullets should be cleaned and sanitized before loa…

    Bullets should be cleaned and sanitized before loaded into a gun otherwise they might cause an infection.

    It takes me a while to get use to my age. By the t…

    It takes me a while to get use to my age. By the time I can bring myself to admit it another year passes and the number changes again.

    Students had an hour long assembly on bicycle safe…

    Students had an hour long assembly on bicycle safety today. How is that an hour? I can sum it up with one sentence: don’t get hit by a car.

    My Beanie Babies are my retirement fund.

    My Beanie Babies are my retirement fund.

    I don’t believe in common decency–it’s just not m…

    I don’t believe in common decency–it’s just not my thing.

    Ignorance is bliss–but only when Ignorance is the…

    Ignorance is bliss–but only when Ignorance is the name of a stripper.

    There aren’t enough French fries in my life.

    There aren’t enough French fries in my life.

    This probably says a lot about mental problems but…

    This probably says a lot about mental problems but I find aggressive, assertive, super-bossy women extremely attractive.