Twitter Quip

    In some countries cleaning a person’s feet is a si…

    In some countries cleaning a person’s feet is a sign of respect. In this country it means you have stinky feet.

    I think Bugs Bunny cartoons should be part of any…

    I think Bugs Bunny cartoons should be part of any well-rounded curriculum.

    How is that an all-you-can-eat buffet can make me…

    How is that an all-you-can-eat buffet can make me feel embarrassed and proud at the same time?

    I think I just found out how the buttplug was inve…

    I think I just found out how the buttplug was invented: a naked guy sat on a pacifier.

    I have a new goal in life: I want to be famous eno…

    I have a new goal in life: I want to be famous enough to do a cameo on Sesame Street.

    The wife says it’s time to lose the beard, so in t…

    The wife says it’s time to lose the beard, so in the interest of avoiding an argument I am going to lose the wife.

    Incorrection definitions: It turns out a concentra…

    Incorrection definitions: It turns out a concentration camp is not where jewish kids go to think real hard.

    I get incredibly uncomfortable asking someone for…

    I get incredibly uncomfortable asking someone for a letter of recommendation. I just hate bothering my mom because she’s so busy.

    There’s a Christmas tree in the trash. That’s righ…

    There’s a Christmas tree in the trash. That’s right: it took until Feb 1st for someone to say “It’s time to take down the Christmas tree.”

    VH1 Classic is playing MacGruber. VH1 needs to ree…

    VH1 Classic is playing MacGruber. VH1 needs to reexamine its definition of classic.