Twitter Quip

    Try as I might, I just can’t get my daughter to pl…

    Try as I might, I just can’t get my daughter to play with a blue or green light saber–she prefers the red one. Should I be concerned?

    I would climb more trees if more trees came with s…

    I would climb more trees if more trees came with stairs.

    One job I’ve never seen a Mexican take: homeless g…

    One job I’ve never seen a Mexican take: homeless guy.

    How many illegitimate kittens did Puss in Boots ha…

    How many illegitimate kittens did Puss in Boots have? My cat scored a lot–and he was nowhere near as charming as Antonio Banderas.

    The Force is strong with this one…assuming “this…

    The Force is strong with this one…assuming “this one” isn’t me.

    2016 is the year I buy new socks.

    2016 is the year I buy new socks.

    Unanswered Questions 30 Years Too Late: what exact…

    Unanswered Questions 30 Years Too Late: what exactly is a “Rock Lobster”?

    If you give me 48 hours I can tell you what the we…

    If you give me 48 hours I can tell you what the weather was like tomorrow.

    Eleven years is a long run, but the time has come…

    Eleven years is a long run, but the time has come for me to replace my toothbrush.

    Whoever invented the tradition of pinching people…

    Whoever invented the tradition of pinching people who don’t wear green on St. Patrick’s Day clearly did not work at an elementary school.