tweets 2017 « Siknerd: Home of the iRANT | funny stories, random thoughts, and many, many complaints

I’m fairly certain shoes were invented because mankind needed an efficient tool to squish spiders.

I’m fairly certain shoes were invented because mankind needed an efficient tool to squish spiders.

My daughter has been saying “keep the change!” Where do kids learn this stuff? She certainly didn’t hear it from me.

My daughter has been saying “keep the change!” Where do kids learn this stuff? She certainly didn’t hear it from me.

#WhatILearnedAtTheBeach: Fish pee tastes salty.

#WhatILearnedAtTheBeach: Fish pee tastes salty.

My daughter’s favorite princess is Leia, so I must be doing something right.

My daughter’s favorite princess is Leia, so I must be doing something right.

The circle is now complete and the student has become the master: I bribed my daughter to do simple tasks one peanut at a time.

The circle is now complete and the student has become the master: I bribed my daughter to do simple tasks one peanut at a time.

#SignsThatYoureOld: You had to pick up your dates because women weren’t allowed to drive.

#SignsThatYoureOld: You had to pick up your dates because women weren’t allowed to drive.

#SignsThatYoureOld: “Back in my day you didn’t need Netflix to chill.”

#SignsThatYoureOld: “Back in my day you didn’t need Netflix to chill.”

The Wife bought a new bathroom spray I’m supposed to use before I go. Who has time to spray before you go?

The Wife bought a new bathroom spray I’m supposed to use before I go. Who has time to spray before you go?

Using a urinal at a water park can be embarrassing because–well, you know–shrinkage.

Using a urinal at a water park can be embarrassing because–well, you know–shrinkage.

The Wife and I found a restaurant that serves both Coke and Pepsi–all of our marital problems are solved!

The Wife and I found a restaurant that serves both Coke and Pepsi–all of our marital problems are solved!