Twitter Quip

    What’s the point in making my two year-old brush her teeth when they’re all gonna get replaced in five years?

    What’s the point in making my two year-old brush her teeth when they’re all gonna get replaced in five years?

    #DescribeAFriendLikeACar: The backseat sags a little and she’s always leaking fluids.

    #DescribeAFriendLikeACar: The backseat sags a little and she’s always leaking fluids.

    #EveryoneTellsMe, “You need to wear pants if you want to shop here.”

    #EveryoneTellsMe, “You need to wear pants if you want to shop here.”

    The words “social” and “media” meant something very different 20 years ago. #SocialMediaTaughtMe

    The words “social” and “media” meant something very different 20 years ago. #SocialMediaTaughtMe

    #ThingsYouDontAccept…Items that cost more than 99 cents at the @99Only Store. C’mon guys–it’s in your name: “99¢ Only”!

    #ThingsYouDontAccept…Items that cost more than 99 cents at the @99Only Store. C’mon guys–it’s in your name: “99¢ Only”!

    I’m fairly certain the only reason I watched “ThunderCats” was because it was on.

    I’m fairly certain the only reason I watched “ThunderCats” was because it was on.

    #HonestReportCards: I’ll be surprised if your son doesn’t end up being serial killer.

    #HonestReportCards: I’ll be surprised if your son doesn’t end up being serial killer.

    #HonestReportCards: Her best hope is that her looks carry her through college and she marries rich before she turns 25.

    #HonestReportCards: Her best hope is that her looks carry her through college and she marries rich before she turns 25.

    #HonestReportCards: The mere fact that she’s not pregnant by now is a tremendous accomplishment!

    #HonestReportCards: The mere fact that she’s not pregnant by now is a tremendous accomplishment!

    I worry that the Greeks were right and we’ve been praying to the wrong god(s) for the past 2000 years.

    I worry that the Greeks were right and we’ve been praying to the wrong god(s) for the past 2000 years.