tweets 2017 « Siknerd: Home of the iRANT | funny stories, random thoughts, and many, many complaints

#IllAlwaysRegret: The date I got married…wait–did you say “regret” or “forget?”

#IllAlwaysRegret: The date I got married…wait–did you say “regret” or “forget?”

#ISawMommy_SantaClaus: “…wondering if she had too much to drink because it’s May and she thought she saw….”

#ISawMommy_SantaClaus: “…wondering if she had too much to drink because it’s May and she thought she saw….”

Why does all leftover Chinese food, no matter what it is (beef/pork/noodle/etc), always smells exactly the same–like leftover Chinese food?

Why does all leftover Chinese food, no matter what it is (beef/pork/noodle/etc), always smells exactly the same–like leftover Chinese food?

#HintsYoureInHell: The cassette deck of your ’85 Pontiac has a Sinéad O’Connor tape stuck on a loop. Oh, that and you have an ’85 Pontiac.

#HintsYoureInHell: The cassette deck of your ’85 Pontiac has a Sinéad O’Connor tape stuck on a loop. Oh, that and you have an ’85 Pontiac.

#WednesdayWisdom: If you need to ask, “What is that terrible smell” you really don’t want to know the answer.

#WednesdayWisdom: If you need to ask, “What is that terrible smell” you really don’t want to know the answer.

It’s an odd dichotomy of needs when you have pee and are really thirsty at the same time.

It’s an odd dichotomy of needs when you have pee and are really thirsty at the same time.

#AdviceForPeopleJoiningTwitter: Confirm your ID by posting your date of birth, home address, social security number, & mother’s maiden name.

#AdviceForPeopleJoiningTwitter: Confirm your ID by posting your date of birth, home address, social security number, & mother’s maiden name.

Would it be wrong if i started bringing magazines to work so I’d have something to read when I go to the bathroom?

Would it be wrong if i started bringing magazines to work so I’d have something to read when I go to the bathroom?

#ReasonsToLeaveEarth: Thanks to a typo, the restraining order won’t allow me within 1000 miles of a school or church.

#ReasonsToLeaveEarth: Thanks to a typo, the restraining order won’t allow me within 1000 miles of a school or church.

#IfPoliticiansToldTheTruth: No one would serve a full term.

#IfPoliticiansToldTheTruth: No one would serve a full term.