tweets 2018 « Siknerd: Home of the iRANT | funny stories, random thoughts, and many, many complaints

Printed magazines will never go extinct because guys will always need something to read when on the can.

Printed magazines will never go extinct because guys will always need something to read when on the can.

Things I Learned Watching TV: all of life’s problems can be solved in 30 minutes. Unless it’s an hour-long episode. Then it takes 60 minutes.

Things I Learned Watching TV: all of life’s problems can be solved in 30 minutes. Unless it’s an hour-long episode. Then it takes 60 minutes.

This morning my daughter devoured the doughnuts I bought her. She inherited my love of eating doughnuts paid for by someone else.

This morning my daughter devoured the doughnuts I bought her. She inherited my love of eating doughnuts paid for by someone else.

I saw Ice Cube on Sesame Street this week–an idea that would seem bad match to both Ice Cube and PBS in 1988.

I saw Ice Cube on Sesame Street this week–an idea that would seem bad match to both Ice Cube *and* PBS in 1988.

If your mom is ½ black & ½ white and your dad is ½ white & ½ black does that make you half ½ black & half ½ white and half ½ white & half ½ black?

If your mom is ½ black & ½ white and your dad is ½ white & ½ black does that make you half ½ black & half ½ white and half ½ white & half ½ black?

Does the Pope ever have fun? Does he lounge in a T-shirt & watch a movie on off days? I’d like see the Pope telling jokes & drinking beer with friends.

Does the Pope ever have fun? Does he lounge in a T-shirt & watch a movie on off days? I’d like see the Pope telling jokes & drinking beer with friends.

If Alexa was my wife I would likely get arrested for spousal abuse because that bitch never listens to me.

If Alexa was my wife I would likely get arrested for spousal abuse because that bitch never listens to me.

I asked my local brothel if they had any Black Friday Deals. I was told yes, but only if I was willing to have sex with a turkey.

I asked my local brothel if they had any Black Friday Deals. I was told yes, but only if I was willing to have sex with a turkey.

The reasons parents gain weight after having kids is because they eat all the unfinished food purchased for their children.

The reasons parents gain weight after having kids is because they eat all the unfinished food purchased for their children.

#ItsBeginningToLookAlotLike: it’s time to change my underwear.

#ItsBeginningToLookAlotLike: it’s time to change my underwear.