tweets 2018 « Siknerd: Home of the iRANT | funny stories, random thoughts, and many, many complaints

You know you’re out of shape when you dread going down the stairs just as much as you dread going up.

You know you’re out of shape when you dread going down the stairs just as much as you dread going up.

One of the unspoken drawbacks of having a kid is you can’t eat a cookie in the daytime because she’ll want one too–and I don’t want to share.

One of the unspoken drawbacks of having a kid is you can’t eat a cookie in the daytime because she’ll want one too–and I don’t want to share.

I believe that children are the future–my future lunch.

I believe that children are the future–my future lunch.

Someone once asked me if I was Canadian. What of my dark complexion or bad attitude says “he’s from the Great North?” I’ve never been more insulted.

Someone once asked me if I was Canadian. What of my dark complexion or bad attitude says “he’s from the Great North?” I’ve never been more insulted.

My dream is to live in a house with a big front yard, so I can yell at kids to get off my lawn, because deep down I’m a crotchy old person.

My dream is to live in a house with a big front yard, so I can yell at kids to get off my lawn, because deep down I’m a crotchy old person.

I’m too dumb to realize when I’m doing something stupid.

I’m too dumb to realize when I’m doing something stupid.

In the spirit of racial equality this Halloween I’m passing out equal amounts of white chocolate and dark chocolate.

In the spirit of racial equality this Halloween I’m passing out equal amounts of white chocolate and dark chocolate.

I feel really guilty when my boss is out sick and I don’t leave work early.

I feel really guilty when my boss is out sick and I don’t leave work early.

#TheFirstWomanPresidentWill be 15 minutes late to her own inauguration.

#TheFirstWomanPresidentWill be 15 minutes late to her own inauguration.

#MyChildhoodHeroTaughtMe: C is for cookie.

#MyChildhoodHeroTaughtMe: C is for cookie.