Twitter Quip

    Fear the beard: a playoff addition

    Hockey tradition dictates thou must’n shave thy beard until thy team is eliminated from the playoffs. I’m not much of a fan of hockey, but I certainly like the tradition (one of many hockey traditions I enjoy including hitting guys with sticks and dating women way too hot for you). Since I am a proponent of tradition, I adopted that philosophy towards a sport I actually care about: baseball.

    I don’t talk about it much, but I’m a huge Yankee fan. It’s one of the traits I inherited from my father. I grew hearing stories about Mickey Mantle and how much my father wanted to change my first name to Bucky Dent. When I was five and started playing t-ball, I was thrilled to be on the Yankees (although, three of the four teams in the league were named Yankees). Interests come and go. People drift in and out of your life. Seasons change. People get older. Life goes on. The one thing that remains my consistent is my Yankee fan love (and an unhealthy Derek Jeter obsession).

    That’s why every October I wear a playoff beard. Some years, the Yanks go deep and I go a month without shaving. . . . . .

     

    The philosophy of volunteering & prequels

    The other day I walked passed a booth of volunteers trying to get people to register to vote. A chik jumped in front of me and asked with her biggest smile, “Are you registered to vote?”

    “Of course I am,” I said politely. While I saw no need to be rude, this was a conversation I really didn’t want to participate in. With finals to worry about, 90 percent of my brainpower was focused on something else and I didn’t even realize I was talking to her.

    “That’s wonderful,” she replied. “Would you like to volunteer your time?”

    And without realizing what I was doing, I blurted out a laugh. I feel a little bad because I respect what she was doing…but volunteer work is just something I don’t believe in. Kinda like charity and the Easter Bunny.

    The “Terminator” movie recently came out. I have little interest in seeing it in the theaters because of my “no sequel” policy. The Wife, on the other hand, is dying to see it. Even though she’s never seen a Terminator movie before, she’s driven to view this incarnation because she finds Christian Bale dreamy. Seems like faulty logic to me. I think . . . . .

     

    Creepo pervs & the great gay debate

    Not being gay myself, I wouldn’t dare assume to know what gay people think. But I’m a compassionate individual and an observer of the world around me. In my opinion, there’s two kinds of gay people: those who were born that way and those who choose to be gay.

    What’s that you say? I’m coping out on the world’s most controversial topic since Tastes Great vs. Less Filling? I don’t think of it as a copout…more like my way of saying everybody is right.

    There are those who will tell you homosexuality is in your DNA–some people are born gay and some are not. I believe there are a lot of things out of an individual’s control. I wish I was taller. And no matter how much milk I drink or much I practice, I’ll never get taller. I think it’s the same way for a lot of gay folks. I don’t choose to be short; they don’t choose to be gay. Life can’t be easy as a homosexual. There’s the ridicule from parents and friends. They ugly stereotypes portrayed in Hollywood. The ruthless beatings from small-minded brutes. Why would anyone choose that lifestyle? All your inert desires contradict everything . . . . .