|
 Because complaining about stuff shouldn't be limited to the elderly |
| No pies were harmed during the composing of this blog. |
| Sunday, January 8, 2006 |
What is it about me and the fat chiks? Why are they drawn to me like Im a giant glazed doughnut? Is it fates way of getting even with me for all the years Ive watched Married With Children? I cant tell you the number of chunk-o chiks that wanted a piece of my arse. Is this the best that life has to offer me? It just doesnt seem fair. Im not talking about girls that are a few pounds overweight--Im talking about girls so large that they need to let McDonalds know in advance theyre coming so the Ronald doesnt run our of food. Women so large they have their own gravitational field. Seriously--women who are at least 250--300 pounds. I know I could probably stand to lose a little weight...so maybe I shouldnt be that judgmental. But were talking about women who would crush me. Jumbo wildebeests that can out-eat the offensive line of the Chicago Bears. I may like my broads a little on the skinny side, but I dont think theres anything insulting or sexist about wanting a girl who weighs less than I do. And if that makes me a pig, then lemme say Oink, Oink.
But it truly baffles me the number of Jenny Craig dropouts who find me attractive (Nessa, Bev, Georgia, Claudia, and Cinderblock*, just to name a few). Not only do they find me attractive, they come on strong. I try to fight them off, but theyre so much stronger than me--theyd hafta be to lug those large mASSES around. The scale-tippers find me completely adorable (maybe because they could hold me in their hands or simply keep me as a pet).
Ive had tons of chiks come on to me in the past. Okay, maybe not tons, but Ive had chiks come on to me. What I find incredibly discouraging and nauseating (perhaps more nauseating than discouraging) is too many of them are large and in charge (by the way, I dont know what theyre in charge of, but it certainly aint their waste line). Its flattering when anyone shows romantic interest in you--Ive even had guys hit on me and it was a minor ego boost. But of the chiks who do come on to me, why is it the larger the gal, the more aggressive she is? I like an aggressive girl, but when I gotta start using freshly made pies as a decoy to get away; it takes the thrill out of it.
Topping this horrible trend all off (and making it much, much worse)--none of these ample women ever have ample breasts. I dont care for fat chiks with or with out breasts, but somehow the ones without actually appear to be even more disgusting. Or maybe its just because they appear fatter. I dont know. All I know is it just aint right when a chik should be wearing a bra for her gut instead of her chest.
*names have not been changed to protect the innocent.
© 2006 siknerd.com
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