|
 Because complaining about stuff shouldn't be limited to the elderly |
| Greetings aren't what they used to be |
| Tuesday, January 10, 2006 |
“Hello” and “hi” are common greetings. Some people like to mix things up and throw in a “how you doing” or “how’s it going.” I’ve got a real beef with these greetings because they’re not greetings: they’re questions. Not only are they questions, they’re open-ended questions that force a reply. There’s no simple yes or no answer--any response is gonna be at least a sentence long. The problem is most people don’t give a damn. To them it’s merely a greeting.
I’ve got coworkers who frequently use similar open-ended all the time. I find it incredibly awkward when I’m walking past someone who says “how’s it going.” What am I supposed to do? Answering the question is impossible--especially since most of the time this occurs when we’re heading in two opposite directions (I could end up mumbling to myself down the hallway). I could respond with a “hello,” but it doesn’t feel appropriate--I was asked a question! I’ve tried with the “it’s going” approach, but I really hate it because it sounds like something a suicidal person would say.
I’ve struggled with this--there’s gotta be a better way. I hate the “how’s it goings.” It’s like my last girlfriend used to tell me: don’t say it unless you mean it. I think a lot people don’t even realize it anymore--kind of the way you assume a BMW is stolen just because a black guy is driving it (I told you I like racist jokes).
Those open-ended questions are not greetings. I get really tired of people who butcher the English language. Like when people say “I feel like a third wheel.” The term is “a fifth wheel” (as in a fifth wheel is unnecessary on a car). Or refer to a code as a “PIN number?” No, it’s “PI number:” the N stands for number (when you say “PIN number,” you’re really saying “personal identification number number”). I know I can’t be the only person who realizes this! And it really, really pisses me off when I see a bank ATM ask me to “enter your PIN number.” ATMs are what popularized the whole PIN concept--you’d think they’d know what the hell they’re talking about!!!
Now I’ve gotten way off-track. Nothing like wring about something that pisses me off to launch a 20-minute diatribe.
Lately I’ve been taking a new overture with the false greeters. If someone asks me “how ya doing,” I now respond with: “I’m missing a shoe.” It’s a line I got from “The Island” (which, by the way, was a pretty good movie: ignore the critics and check it out). A character was asked “how are you doing” and he answered “I’m missing a shoe.” The character didn’t say it for humorous purposes--it just so happened that the missing shoe was the highlight of his day.
But that’s not the point.
I like the response because it works on so many different levels. First and foremost, it weeds out the phonies. When I answer “I’m missing a shoe” and the greeter doesn’t blink, stop, or engage in conversation with me, I know he wasn’t paying the slightest bit of attention to me (and I’m like anyone else--I crave attention).
If my reply gets a response, it’ll normally leads to conversation (one that usually starts with “what the #$%&?”). Usually I gotta explain why I responded the way I did (“because you asked me a question”) and the greeter realizes the error in his or her way. And I feel a littler better with myself by helping educate the world. Next time you say to someone, “how ya doing,” give him a chance to reply. You asked a question: if he has the decency to give you a reply, you oughta have the decency to listen. It’s only common courtesy.
Am I insane? Quite possibly...or I could just be a freaking genius. An evil genius. HAR-HAR-HAR!
I’m just saying what I think. That’s my two cents--it’s probably worth half of that.
© 2006 siknerd.com
| Older iRANT | Newer iRANT |