I know a lot people who claim to want kids, but I wonder what exactly that means. Someone sees a young mother holding her child and comments, “I wanna have a baby.” An aunt drops her nephew off at preschool and longs for the child she doesn’t have. Even folks who have kids get giggly when with a toddler. Sure, having kids is sweet and adorable, but I feel like the story is incomplete. I don’t have kids so I don’t know what it’s like to be a parent (thank goodness). And I haven’t reached the stage in my life when I want kids (also, thank goodness). So I don’t know exactly the feeling one has when they say they want kids--but I’ve got a theory (don’t I always). I think people love babies because, well, who doesn’t love babies? They’re cute, precious, and desperately need you for everything. babies are cute when they turn into toddlers and toddlers are cute when they become whatever you call a five year old. But when people say they want kids, I don’t think they see the big picture. With the exception of Taiwanese sweatshops and Michael Jackson, who wants a ten-year old boy? Who really thinks an 11-year old is cute (pedophilias excluded)? And what sorta fun can it be to raise a defiant teenager? I know I was a pain in the arse ever since I hit 14 (that’s when I discovered insubordination). I don’t think people who want kids don’t realize it’s an 18-year commitment (and if your child is especially fainéant, he could be living in your basement going to Star Trek conventions until he’s 40). People are obsessed with babies because they’re cute and small. So is Estelle Getty--but I wouldn’t wanna take her home with me. When women reach a certain age, their “clock start ticking.” But I don’t think they really want kids--not the lifetime commitment that is kids. Those women want babies. Let’s face it, once your child reaches the age where he can think for himself, he stops being cute and starts being defiant. I dunno...maybe I’m just ignorant in this matter because I’ve never been there myself (thank goodness for condoms). But when people say they want kids, I just don’t think they’re envisioning what life is like when the child hits ten--and that’s halfway point. You’re still committed to a good decade of headaches, harassment, and heart attacks.
