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    Because complaining about stuff shouldn't be limited to the elderly


    Why Derek Jeter is better than you and me--especially you
    A cheap, Chuck Norris ripoff Wed, 10/04/06

    In honor of Derek Jeter's Game 1 performance, I'd like to compose a tribute list to America's greatest hero:
    • If Osama bin Laden was a hanging curveball in a playoff game, Derek Jeter would have found him nine years ago.
    • Derek Jeter's urine is lightly carbonated, tastes like pineapple and has been known to cure cancer.
    • If this were the Middle Ages, the King would decree all babies must have Derek Jeter as a middle name.
    • Derek Jeter hasn't ended the world's hungry problem yet because he wants something to do after he gets tired of winning World Series titles.
    • If UPN hired Derek Jeter as a consultant, it would still be on the air.
    • Has anyone ever noticed that Derek Jeter and Superman have never been seen together at the same time? I'm just saying...
    • If Derek Jeter was an action figure, he'd have the entire GI Joe army at his disposal, date Barbie, her sister, her token black friend, and make Ken his bitch.
    • The night before Jesus turned water into wine, he was getting tips from Derek Jeter.
    • The only reason Derek Jeter doesn't hit a home run every time he's up is because it would make baseball a lot less interesting and he prefers to pick his spots.
    • If "American Idol" wasn't rigged, Derek Jeter would win ever year--sometimes twice. And not necessarily for his singing.
    • The government isn't concerned about asteroids colliding into earth as long as they have enough time to find Derek Jeter and arm him with a bat.
    • After baseball outlawed steroids, many players tried to improve their game by licking Derek Jeter's sweat.
    • If the Middle East saw American television, they would embrace Derek Jeter as their savior and bring an end to all religious warfare.
    • In some states, the hero sandwich has been officially named the Derek Jeter sandwich.
    • There is no truth to the rumor that George Washington will be replaced on the $1 bill by Derek Jeter...but I wouldn't be opposed to it.

    © 2006 siknerd.com


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