siknerd.com - Home of the World Famous iRANT

It all started back in 1998 when I had a Natalie Portman obsession and built my first computer. When installing Windows 98, a screen popped up informing me I had to give my computer a name. The software gave a couple suggestions (like "Den" or "Workstation48") but none of those were hip enough to fit my wacky taste. That's like naming your dog Canine27 or your child TaxDeduction13. I wanted something warm and friendly--I wanted Natalie Portman.

Since then, I've named every computer I've had after famous people I want to marry (but only for sexual purposes). So far, I've had a Natalie, Christina, Monique, Julianne, Lucy, and Jennie (I've yet to name my computer at work because it's a handed-down and she does nothing but piss me off).

Some people think I'm nuts--others love it. So far I've been able to convince some friends, my brothers, and a few Best Buy customers to continue this tradition. I suppose one day if I do get married, this might be a source of conflict for me and my love (luckily computers don't get jealous). Of course, the only way I'm getting married is if I find a woman who understands nothing gets between a man and his computer (and internet porn).

Waiting, watching the clock, it's four o'clock, it's got to stop
Tell him, take no more, she practices her speech
As he opens the door, she rolls over...
Pretends to sleep, as he looks her over
She lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man...
--Pearl Jam--

Back in the mid 90s, I was a huge Pearl Jam fan. I still like the band today, but most of their recent albums kinda blow. But that's not the point of this iRANT. I was really into Pearl Jam and one of my favorite songs was a jingle called "Better Man." Eventually I started dating this chik and you know how couples go, you gotta start "sharing each other's interest." Since I loved Pearl Jam, she decided that she had to like Pearl Jam, too. She even decided that "Better Man" was our song.

"Every time I hear this song I think of you," she said. "It's about me--because I can't find a better man. You're my Better Man."

She sounded really sweet at the time--I never had the heart to tell her the song is about girl without the courage to leave her loser boyfriend.

I'll admit I'm not exactly Sherlock Holmes when it comes to deciphering songs. Hell, most of the time I don't care and will just enjoy a song for its melody. But this song was friggin' easy. "It's got to stop...take no more"--you don't hafta be Kreskin to figure that one out.

You'd think it'd bother me--it's a really depressing song (lyric-wise) and she thought of it as our song. I wasn't smacking her around like the "hero" from the song--I was always good to her. It made her happy and I was willing to live with it. Plus, it always gave me an excuse to pop a Pearl Jam CD in the car stereo. Hey, anything is better than country.

Why am I telling you this? I heard "Better Man" today when driving to work. Man, I love that song. Even when I got to work, I stayed in my car to hear the end of it. While we were together, I never thought "Better Man" as "our song." It was her song for us--I had nothing to do with it. Unfortunately, every time I hear that song today, I think of her. Crazy, eh? I'm just glad she hasn't ruined it for me.

Oh, that and I also have a fond memory about a stripper with that song--but that's another iRANT for another day.

Older iRANT