I don't understand foreigners and their money. Maybe it's 'cause whatever third-world country they're from is hella poor, but I've noticed that foreigners tend to be the least likely demographic to part with their money. With all the crappy retail jobs I've had throughout my life, foreigners were always the biggest pain in the ass. And while it's okay to look for A Deal (lord knows I won't buy anything without getting A Deal), I always felt foreigners took it too far.

When I worked at Staples, customers frequently tried to barter prices with me. Maybe in Crapistan, they're used to negotiated prices when buying and selling goats, but that's just not the way it works here in American retail stores. The price on the sticker is how much it cost--no matter if you buy one, two, or offer me your virgin daughter for marriage.

Some customers would intentionally damage boxes. I'd watch them rip, tear, and throw the package around--beating it up as much as possible. Then they'd innocently stroll their way up to me and as for a discount because the box was broken. It was shady stuff.

But I think the worst was when I worked at the Foreigner Capital of the World: Disneyland. Those bastards were hella cheap. While Disneyland isn't exactly a bargain hunter's paradise, I couldn't believe the measures folks went through to save a buck. They tried splitting a cheeseburger amongst the whole family. Asking me to overfill the fries (or even throw in a second order free of charge). It was pathetic.

Given how tightly foreigners guard their currency, it's amazing how willing they are to throw it away at gambling. I spend a lot of time in casinos and I can assure you, America-born white people are by far the minority. Casinos are filled to the brim with Asians, Mexicans, and folks from unknown European countries that only seem to appear in taxi cabs and airports. They love to gamble and seem to have no limits or an endless supply of cash.

Last night I was playing poker and having a good'ole time until this dude joined our table. Elderly and speaking with a heavy accent, he seemed like a nice cat at first. He was jovial and in good spirits--something that's always welcomed at a poker table (but not as much as a guy with a lot of chips who doesn't know how to play). My opinion quickly changed after Gargamel played a couple hands.

I don't know what he was doing--no one at the table did. He would frequently bet--and raise--without looking at his cards. He was throwing chips all over the place--practically giving them away like a Las Vegas sidewalk porn-vendor. He was making insanely ridiculous bets--the kind no one wants to call unless they got a good hand.

After a while, we started to get the hang of him. While I suppose technically he was just making bigger pots, the folks at the table were getting annoyed by this (if he wanted to play for higher stakes, Gargamel shoulda been playing at a higher limit table). And it's not like this was his strategy to bluff people out of pots. Once we realized he was an idiot and started calling him, the fool was just throwing his money away.

This is not the first time I've seen this behavior--it happens all the times. There's the old Asian lady who frequently falls asleep at the table and has to be woken up when it's her time to bet. The Mexican who reeks of sweat (and wearing clothes that should be found only in a dumpster) that whips out $20 bill after $20 bill for "money plays." The Canadian who has to take out a second mortgage on his maple syrup farm.

Maybe that's why foreigners are so cheap--outstanding gambling debts. I took about a hundred bucks from Gargamel. I just feel sorry for the next person who has to sell him a computer.

© 2007 siknerd.com