I've often wondered what kind of person calls a television station to complain about programming (basically if you don't like what we're airing, turn off the TV). Honesty, you'd think one would have better things to do than call a television station to air their grievances. I mean, it's not like we're listed in the yellow pages--you'd hafta make a little bit of effort to even get our phone number.

I've always wanted to 'pinch-hit' on one of these calls. One of my greatest pleasures in life is pointing out people's stupidity directly to them. See, we live in a society where people are way too polite to each other's faces. If someone is a bona fide moron, I don't see why we should coddle to them--just show them why they're an idiot so I can move on with my day. Today I managed to convince the receptionist to let me handle one of those such calls.

"I want to express a complaint," said the elderly lady to me over the phone.

"I'll be glad to help you--what's the problem?"

"I was watching you station last night and saw 'Sanford and Son...'"

I cut her off. "I'm sorry: you we're watching what?"

"'Sanford and Son.' That awful show..."

"I think you might be confused: we don't air 'Sanford and Son."

"Don't interrupt me when I'm talking," she snipped at me. "I don't want to watch 'Sanford and Son.'"

"I don't blame you," I said. "But we don't air 'Sanford and Son.'"

She then proceeded to tell me that I was wrong--and cited her TV Guide.

"Ma'am, I think there's been a mistake: we have not nor will we ever air 'Sanford and Son.'"

But she wouldn't hear it. She asked me if we were A Television Station Not Owned By Ruppert Murdoch. When I confirmed that we were, she started her story all over again: how we ruined her TV-watching experience last night by airing a show she didn't wanna watch.

This is the part I really don't get. For her to insist--going as far as to swear on the rest of her life (which couldn't have that much more left)--that I was incorrect and she was right completely boggles me. There are stupid employees, incompetent employees, and even dickhead employees. But what we were arguing about was completely irrefutable. We didn't air the show she said we did--and she was convince that I made a mistake even though I'm the one who actually works for the television station in question. In her mind, there's absolutely no chance she was tuned into the wrong station or somehow forgot to read numbers. No, no--I was wrong...and she let me know.

A lesser man would have bowed to the pressure--but not me. I told her that I whole-heartily agreed with her and hated "Sanford and Son." That I could never watch any television station that has shows with black people and she had every right to be upset. That my station agreed with her so much that we simply refused to air anything with black people. And that if she was really upset, she should call the station that does air "Sanford and Son"--B.E.T. I gave her the number and to this day, no one has found her body.

© 2007 siknerd.com