I never understood the point of appetizers. Why eat before you're gonna eat? Someone once told me that appetizers were supposed to get you hungry before you eat. Get you hungry? You're already at a restaurant. I would think you're already hungry otherwise you wouldn't be there. And why are appetizers always the greasiest, most unhealthy items on the menu. Stuff like fried cheese, chicken wings, and nachos. Yeah, that's a good idea: fill up on junk before the healthy food is served.

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I'm really excited because I'll be launching a new addition to my website soon. While it might not be as cool as Pac-Man or flashing Santas, this is something I'm very looking forward to.

I pretty much write something brilliant on a daily basis, but a lot of the stuff I wouldn't dare put online. I think I do a pretty good job of keeping my identity anonymous online--but if anyone is determined enough, I'm sure they can figure who I am. But my biggest concern is my coworkers--the people who know I have this site. Because of that, I limit myself--not wanting to post anything about work that can ruffle feathers or get me fired. And a few times, I accidentally told the wrong people about my site--the kinda people with big mouths. If my bosses ever got wind of this site, they probably wouldn't approve because I don't always exactly paint them in a good light. I don't think they'd be petty enough to fire me over it, but you never know.

That's why I've come up with a "Members Only" section of siknerd.com. That's where I'll be free to post anything I want without the fear of unemployment. And it won't be limited to work-sensitive iRANTs, I'll also post entries that maybe hit a little to close to home--matters I just don't want strangers on the internet reading about. Basically it'll be a no-holds barred, uncensored, Jerry Springer-like iRANT--only with more cursing! No more having to wait for people to quit before I post an iRANT. No more sugarcoating what I think about my boss. No more having to worry about upsetting The Girlfriend. The iRANT will be free to reach a new high...or should that be a new low?

MySpace users shouldn't be too affected. I'm going to make these entries private to anyone who isn't my friend. So if you're a loyal, regular reader, you'll be fine. To those who stumbled across the iRANT, better luck next time--may I suggest an older iRANT? Or perhaps a breath mint?

It took a lot of work to figure out how to do this. Siknerd.com is a one-man operation. Not only do I hafta write the entries, I also have to design the pages and maintain the site--all while being completely clueless to the process. It took me about six months to figure out how to password protect pages and another two just to draw up the architecture of it. Not bad for a guy who has a full-time job, loving girlfriend, a softball team to run--all while coping with a serious gambling problem.

I did some serious number crunching, factoring the number of readers I have, divided by the amount of money I need to retire in two years; I determined that the monthly membership charge for siknerd.com needs to be $73,926.34. But since it'll cost $10 a month to process credit card transactions, I've decided to give away memberships for free. For those who know me, all you gotta do is ask. Otherwise, email me for consideration. But act fast--I'm giving away membership to only the first seven billion people who apply.

© 2007 siknerd.com